Part 2: 38 Lessons I've Learned By 38 Years Old (#19-38)

In this episode, Elyse Bushard celebrates the one-year anniversary of her podcast by sharing 38 lessons learned over her 38 years of life. The conversation covers themes of personal growth, self-worth, relationships, career insights, and the importance of joy and presence. Elyse emphasizes the significance of small habits, the power of self-acceptance, and the necessity of rest, while also encouraging listeners to embrace their journey and find joy in the mundane moments of life.

Episode Takeaways

• Confidence is just about the willingness to try, not the belief that you'll be perfect
• Self-trust grows from tiny promises, not massive life overhauls
• You don't need self-belief to begin; belief grows from repetition
• You cannot judge or shame yourself into a better life
• Clarity comes from movement, never from overthinking
• You don't need a five-year plan; just take your next right step
• Being wrong is not a failure; it's a sign that you're evolving
• One habit won't change your life in a day, but consistency will
• Your body is not a project; it's your home
• Joy is not frivolous; it is resilience

Transcript

The next section is all about relationships and friendships and lessons I've learned there. So number 19 to kick it off is friendships can shift without it meaning someone did something wrong. This is a lesson that I've learned in multiple ways, but it's okay for all of us to evolve because people grow at different speeds.

chapters change, priorities change, and not every transition requires blame. Like, well we drifted apart because blah blah blah. Some things just happen and you have to accept it even though it's hard because, but like also you have to follow what feels aligned for you and what obviously is feeling aligned for them. And relationships are too, friendships are too

It's a two-way street, right? And even though our growth and priorities change and things happen, that friendship has to grow and sometimes it doesn't and that's not anyone's fault. Number 20, you knew I had to throw something about this in here. Being single is not a waiting room. It's actually a powerful season.

Elyse Bushard (31:25.954)
And this one has been hard for me because I wanna find my person. And it's in the knowing and knowing that someone is out there for me, but also knowing that I love being by myself and I'm very protective of my independence. And...

Singled hood, like being single, has actually given me clarity in what I want. It's not necessarily a pause in life. It is life. And I'm not behind at all, which is hard, right, to see. But like, I'm not behind at all. Number 21, outgrowing relationships is natural and allowed.

You're allowed to evolve and they're allowed to evolve. You're allowed to walk away and they're allowed to walk away. You don't owe anyone the older version of you. And if they can't accept a newer version of you, that is on them. That's not on you. And it's maybe just a sign that you guys don't need to be friends right now in this stage of your life.

Do I think that sometimes relationships swing back around and you reconnect with people? Absolutely, but you're both allowed to grow and evolve. Number 22, supportive people amplify your energy. They do not drain it.

Pay attention to how you feel after you interact with people. After you go out to lunch with either people from work or a friend group. Your circle impacts your self-worth. So choose people who help you rise and you feel seen and you feel appreciated. Because if you are consistently going

Elyse Bushard (33:45.518)
with people, and this applies to family too. I'm not just talking about friendships. This applies to family too. If you, and family's harder, right? It shouldn't be, but it is to put up boundaries. And if people are in your life that don't amplify your energy, and after you spend time with them, you feel emotionally exhausted and drained,

Just reevaluate that relationship and maybe you don't have to do a bunch of things with them. You can set up boundaries for yourself. A lot of talking for me. Number 23, people don't know, this is a big one for me, people don't know what you don't tell them. Express your feelings in the moment because people are naturally selfish.

Most people live in their own bubble. That's the truth. focusing, they're focusing on their own stress, insecurities, or responsibilities. And that means they often miss what you don't say to them. And when you express how you feel though, in real time, so I'm not talking, I'm the worst. Like something will happen, I'll be like, I should have said this. But like it's too late.

And in the moment, so when you express how you feel in real time, you give people the opportunity to show up for you. Silence actually just builds more resentment. communication builds connection with the right people. Now I'm not saying that you being honest with something won't strike someone in the wrong way, but that's on them, right? You're just expressing how you feel.

in the moment. And I'm not saying yell at someone because then they're going to be defensive. But I am saying, be like, hey, when you did this, it made me feel this way. This is a huge one for me. It was a huge realization about a year ago and has come like full circle for me with interactions with people at work, with friendships. you tell like people don't know what you don't tell them, you need to express your feelings in the moment because

Elyse Bushard (36:13.468)
People are just naturally selfish. We have a lot of shit going on, all of us. But what you don't want to do is silence yourself and build resentment. Because then you will blow up at them and they will be like, what the hell? I didn't know you felt this way. Right? So again, people don't know what you don't tell them. Number 24, boundaries reveal who can handle a healthy you.

People who respect your boundaries stay. People who don't will push back. Boundaries are clarity. They're not conflict. They don't add more conflict. So that's so important because we all think, I feel like at one point or another, that boundaries are a bad thing. And in contradiction, I think that boundaries are literally the best things we can do for ourselves.

our relationships, everything. so, and the people who respect those boundaries, they will stay in your life and they are the right people. The people who don't, like sayonara. Like, I don't know why I just went Japanese or Chinese. I'm sorry, I'm horrible. If that's either one.

I wasn't gonna say something else, but I will not. Okay, so those were the relationship ones. Number 19, friendships can shift without it meaning someone did something wrong. Number 20, being single is not a waiting room. It's a powerful season. So whether you're newly single or you've been single all your life, like me, it's...

it can give you some of the most powerful clarity and independence in your life. Number 21, outgrowing relationships is natural and it's allowed. Number 22, supportive people amplify your energy. They do not drain it. And number 23, people don't know what you don't tell them. Express your feelings in the moment because people are naturally selfish.

Elyse Bushard (38:37.818)
And number 24, boundaries reveal who can actually handle a healthy you.

This next section, there is three more sections left. I didn't realize how long this episode was gonna be, but here we are. This is gonna be great. This section is about purpose and career. These are the things I've learned about that. Number 25, so we're finally on 25. Your career does not define you, your impact does.

A job title or anything you have is temporary and the way you show up at that job and help people and make an impact is the thing that's lasting. Success shifts with every season you're in. So just remember that your career doesn't define you. I always say I...

I don't want to work to live. I want to, um...

I said that wrong. I don't want to live to work. I want to work to live. And not even that, I want to live to live. So I don't know if that tied into. So your career does not define you, your impact does. Number 26, if a door doesn't open, it's not your hallway.

Elyse Bushard (40:19.683)
Just think about it that way. That's, know, an interesting way, but you don't need to force for yourself what isn't aligned. And redirection is actually the universe, God, whatever you believe in, is guiding you. Like this redirection. If a door closes, what's meant for you feels like it will just flow into your life.

So if a door doesn't open, it's just another hallway that you're finding and you try and open another door. So that's just for someone who feels like things never work out. Well, actually, it just means that that wasn't the right door. Just go down the hallway and try and open another door. Number 27, being multi-passionate is a strength.

Our generation was built for reinvention and I

I wanna make it clear that some of the most passionate people have multiple things that they're passionate for. And you don't have to choose one to just define your identity. For instance, I love the reel that's going around right now. It's like, I got six jobs, I don't get tired. And it's like, people are going through what all their roles are.

a wife, a mother, a podcaster, a, and like if I was to list mine, I'm a friend, a daughter, a podcaster, I forgot what I'm talking on right now, a podcaster, I work for a marketing agency, like you, you're multifaceted and you have multi-passions and that's a strength.

Elyse Bushard (42:27.967)
it's actually inspiring in my opinion. And I used to think like I have to find one thing, but that's not true. And it's actually, I wanna have multiple things that I'm passionate and excited about. And I say hell yes about. So that's number 27. Number 28, choosing the slower path can be the bravest decision. And what I mean by that is,

Slow growth is sustainable growth. And fast isn't always aligned. Your nervous system, and it matters more than going fast at something. So they always say that the turtle wins the race, the tortoise wins the race. Like, that's true. Number 29, you can reinvent your life at any age.

38 is not too late. 40 isn't late. 70 isn't late. Like reinvention is always an option. You can always change your mind and start a career. like there isn't rules. An age is nothing but a number. So that section for purpose and career, number 25, your career does not define you, your impact does.

Number 26, if a door doesn't open for you in life, it's not your hallway. Number 27, being multi-passionate is a strength. Number 28, choosing the slower path can be the bravest decision. And number 29, you can reinvent your life at any age. Next section, second to last section, is about healing

and mental health and things I've learned in this section. Let me take a drink, hold on.

Elyse Bushard (44:37.119)
All right, we have eight more people. Number 30, you can be doing everything right and still struggle. Struggle doesn't mean you've failed, it means you're human. And perfection does not guarantee immunity from struggle. And that's something that

has been a game changer, because I used to think everything needed to be perfect for me not to struggle, or in comparison to other people. So again, you can be doing everything quote unquote right, which by the way, side note, who decides what's right and wrong also, but you can be doing everything right and you can still struggle. And it doesn't mean you've failed.

Number 31, feeling lost doesn't mean you're behind. It actually just means you're reassessing your direction. And lost often comes right before clarity. It's a transition and not a dead end. So if you are feeling lost, that's when I usually ask different questions.

of why I'm feeling the way that I am, and then I take small actions and I try new things. But it doesn't mean I'm behind some fictitious timeline. Number 32, grief doesn't disappear, it just transforms as life goes on. So you won't learn to carry it differently. Love and loss intertwine, but grief

just becomes a part of your story and your strength. I know that we've lost many people in our lives. I've personally lost people that are close to me, now being 38 and some way too soon. But like, and the grief doesn't go away, like at all. And you don't stop, ask, quit.

Elyse Bushard (47:02.685)
asking questions, but it do. It comes a part of your story, which becomes a part of your strength in overcoming it. so I think that's just important to realize that grief doesn't disappear. It just transforms and evolves with you and becomes a part of your story and your strength. Number 33, you're not too much for having big feelings.

Your emotions are valid. I'm saying this to myself, because sometimes I still think my emotions and my feelings are a weakness versus a strength. And sensitivity is actually a strength and not a flaw. And your feelings just communicate your needs to other people. Again, people don't know what you don't tell them. Number 34.

Asking for help is a sign of self-awareness not weakness

support accelerates your healing, your growth, and vulnerability builds connection with other people. When you say, like at work for example, that you don't know how to do something, can you show me how to do this? It's this reminder that you don't have to do everything alone. And it actually is just...

people appreciate it more than you struggling alone and then four weeks later being like, I didn't know how to do that. And then it makes us farther behind. like, that's hard for me because usually I wanna help people but it's hard for me to personally ask for help. But I'm starting to realize that just voicing like being like, hey, I don't know what that is. It's not.

Elyse Bushard (49:03.189)
It's a strength, not a weakness, and it's about being self-aware. All right, so that was healing and mental health. Number 30, you can be doing everything right and still struggle. Number 31, feeling lost doesn't mean you're behind. Number 32, grief is something that doesn't disappear, it transforms. Number 33, you're not too much.

for having big feelings. Number 34, asking for help is a sign of self-awareness, not weakness. And the last section, we're almost done people, is about joy, magic, and presence. And 35 is all about the fact that joy is not frivolous.

It is resilience. And what I mean by that is joy can help keep you grounded in difficult seasons. So these are things like going to play on a playground, like acting like a kid again, doing what made you happy, like playing basketball. Like that's one of my things. I picked up a ball this past summer and I loved it. And I was like, I need to do this more. Like I used to love basketball and it used to be a part of my identity, but like,

It keeps you grounded in difficult seasons and it replenishes your energy and fun is necessary in life. It's not childish. It's not childish to go back to something that used to bring you joy when you were a child. And it's not childish to make, to laugh uncontrollably until you cry. There's just so much magic in joy. Number 36, you

are made for more, but you are also made for right now. And this is the power of You Can.

Elyse Bushard (51:11.645)
feel amazing in the moment now, but also know you're made for more. And don't sprint past the moment you're living in. Be grateful and feel grounded because you're grateful and presence just creates more expansion. Number 37, life isn't meant to be performed. It's meant

to be lived. And what I mean by that is put your phone down sometimes. Let life be messy and unscripted and real joy happens off camera sometimes and just when you're present in the moment. We all are so buried in our phones sometimes and it's just so important to realize that life isn't meant to be performed, it's meant to be lived.

Yeah, and that's just something I'm learning to be more aware of. 38, the last one is the magic you're searching for is already happening in the small moments around you. The sunlight, the laugh, the quiet moment in silence, you'll miss them if you rush.

So slow down enough to notice and the mundane is where your life actually is.

And something else I want to add as like a a bonus lesson is about this notion of hell yes habits and finding the habits that bring you joy and fit your life is so important. And.

Elyse Bushard (53:14.327)
Knowing that you're not, you're not going to know unless you try, right? Like, unless you try and see if it works for you. Not saying that everything that works for me and I talk about is going to work for you, but you're not gonna know unless you try. And it could be a life-changing moment for you, that decision, but you won't know.

unless you try and find a hell yes habit for you. That's the thing about hell yes habits is that they are so personalized to you. I can go on and on about what is working for me and what brings me joy and maybe give you ideas, but you're not gonna know unless you try and you only know inside yourself after you do something.

if it's something that you're gonna stick to and you like doing, right? So.

Those are my 38 plus one life lessons. To repeat the joy section is joy, magic, and presence. 35 was joy is not frivolous, joy is resilience. And joy keeps you grounded in difficult situations. Basically, don't be afraid to have fun and do things like that childhood you would wanna do.

Number 36, you were made for more, but you were also made for things right now. And don't sprint past that moment you're living in. Number 37, life isn't meant to be performed, it's meant to be lived. And 38, the magic you're searching for is already happening in the small moments. It really is.

Elyse Bushard (55:16.662)
And my bonus one about Hallease Habits, find what works for you, but keep trying new things because you might be surprised that something, and you won't know until after you do it and try it, of what lights you up and what makes you feel.

amazing because that's what we all want, right? We want a life that we feel amazing about, a health that we're excited about, and that's what we all deserve as well. So those are my 38 lessons at 38 wrapped in a year of podcasting, a year of growth and a lifetime of learning. If one resonated with you, please share it with me, share it with a friend.

on your stories or message me with your favorite one and we can talk about it and tell me a lesson that you learned this year. I want to hear it. want this to be a community that we can share things. And thank you. Thank you for being here, for listening, for growing with me and for choosing a life full of hell yes habits. I love you. I appreciate you.

and I'll see you next time.