Part 1: 38 Lessons I've Learned By 38 Years Old (#1-18)

In this episode, Elyse Bushard celebrates the one-year anniversary of her podcast by sharing 38 lessons learned over her 38 years of life. The conversation covers themes of personal growth, self-worth, relationships, career insights, and the importance of joy and presence. Elyse emphasizes the significance of small habits, the power of self-acceptance, and the necessity of rest, while also encouraging listeners to embrace their journey and find joy in the mundane moments of life.

This is Part 1 (1-18), Episode 45 will be Part 2 (19-38)!

Episode Takeaways:

• Confidence is just about the willingness to try, not the belief that you'll be perfect
• Self-trust grows from tiny promises, not massive life overhauls
• You don't need self-belief to begin; belief grows from repetition
• You cannot judge or shame yourself into a better life
• Clarity comes from movement, never from overthinking
• You don't need a five-year plan; just take your next right step
• Being wrong is not a failure; it's a sign that you're evolving
• One habit won't change your life in a day, but consistency will
• Your body is not a project; it's your home
• Joy is not frivolous; it is resilience

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:03.336)
hello friends. Welcome back to Helly Ass Habits podcast. Today is a big one. I know I haven't been as consistent as I've wanted to be with this podcast, but you know how life works. Life works in different ways and different priorities because like you can't have everything in balance at all times. so,

This for me is very important, but it's not as important as some other things in my life right now. So, but I'm here because I wanted to record this podcast and I've been thinking about it for a while. I knew I wanted to do this sort of theme and it's because we're celebrating one full year of this podcast, two day. I released this podcast a year ago on my

37th birthday, it is now my 38th birthday today. And I truly cannot believe it's been a whole year of showing up, talking with you, growing with you, sharing my stories, my mistakes, my lessons, and all the messy, magical in-between moments. I started this podcast, as you know if you've been listening, because I wanted a place where

specifically millennial women and just women in general in a community, felt seen and heard, especially the ones juggling everything, feeling behind on timelines or tasks. They're craving more and they're trying to find themselves again. And I wanted them to feel seen and I wanted them to know they're not all alone and

Looking back, I think that I never thought I would have a podcast, first of all, but let alone a podcast that would last a year and people would come up to me and say how much they enjoy my podcast. So, or how natural it comes to me because if you know, I just sit on my bed and I shoot whatever's on my mind to you and

Elyse Bushard (02:27.725)
So today, to celebrate this milestone and also just celebrate my 38th trip around the sun, the start of my 38th trip around the sun, I'm sharing 38 lessons I've learned in 38 years. So through grief, heartbreak, loss, career pivots, friendships,

gratitude, growth, and all the mundane moments that turned out to be sacred lessons in looking back. So let's dive in, because this is again 38 lessons. I'm gonna touch on each one obviously a little bit, but preface that each one has either been a podcast episode or

It is something that I've never talked about before, so it could be its own podcast episode. So if one resonates with you more than the other, let me know and I can make an entire podcast about it. number one, confidence is just about the willingness to try, not the belief that you'll be perfect. And basically,

This just means confidence shows up after you take the first step and take action. some of my most bravest moments, like starting this podcast, have happened while I was shaking or doubting myself. But the action of doing it built proof and that proof built belief. And so that's just a reminder that confidence

It doesn't just come to you, you have to act and try new things for it to build up. So that's number one, confidence is about trying. Number two, self-trust grows from tiny promises, not massive life overhauls. And I did make a podcast episode about this, about small promises and promises you keep to yourself.

Elyse Bushard (04:52.395)
But when you keep those small promises, you actually teach yourself, your brain and your heart and your soul that you can rely on you. And tiny wins build momentum for you and that consistency becomes your identity. And it's not about these massive changes that people think. It is about small, consistent, tiny promises. Number three.

You don't need self-belief to begin. Belief actually grows from repetition. So you, like I touched on confidence, this one's a little bit different for me because you become confident by doing the thing and not just by thinking about the thing. And this is more about each rep chips away at doubt. So.

if you just keep doing it over and over again, your belief is built and it's not just something that's innately in you. So you don't need self-belief to begin. That is a misconception. You actually don't need to believe. You could borrow belief from someone else. And that's something I've learned. Number four, you cannot judge or shame yourself into a better life.

And in fact shame is something that can completely shut you down and being curious Asking questions about thing it actually opens you up Of why you're feeling the way that you're feeling so I'm not saying don't validate your feelings what I am saying is that real growth Comes from being compassionate to yourself and giving yourself grace

And even when you're feeling down on yourself, ask yourself why you're feeling that way. Don't be like, God, I can't believe I'm feeling that way. Ask yourself why you feel that way. Number five, clarity comes from movement, never from overthinking. And from a chronic overthinker, clarity, again, you figure out things by doing.

Elyse Bushard (07:17.754)
If you are sitting and you're spiraling and you're overthinking, you actually are just creating imaginary problems that might not even exist, but your brain just keeps going. But if you take action, you can find real answers. So that's number five. Clarity comes from movement, never from overthinking. And that one is one I constantly work on. And I have to catch myself and be aware of when I'm overthinking.

and be like, what am I doing? Like, just, I need to either ask or take action. Nothing ever good comes from just overthinking and sitting in your thoughts. Number six, you don't need a five-year plan. You actually just need your one next right step. Life is actually very flexible and you can be too. So what's aligned now?

is enough. You don't need like this grandiose five-year plan. The path that you want always unfolds just one step at a time, one baby step at a time. And so you don't, you just need to take the next right step that feels in alignment for you right now. Am I saying that you'll never take a step back? No.

But what I am saying is that you don't need to be like, I wanna be this major change in five years, because that won't actually get you anywhere. What will get you somewhere is that small next right step for you in that moment. Number seven, being wrong is not a failure.

It's actually a sign that you're evolving. So mistakes are a part of the process. So if you get something wrong at work, I'm big at this. Like if I am doing something wrong at work, I will, and someone just says that like you're doing it wrong, I always ask questions. I'm like, okay, well, why do you think this is wrong?

Elyse Bushard (09:43.017)
And not in a defensive way. It's more of coming at a place from curiosity and being okay. Like I, you are your own worst critic. I am my own worst critic. So like when I fail, it's, I think it's just because I'm wrong. But like that's where the most growth happens is how you deal with that in the moment. And

Mistakes are just a part of the process. They reveal what's next and growth requires that humility and experimentation. Like you're not gonna go anywhere if you don't like figure out what

in the moment, like how you can improve things, because you're gonna fail. And so it's how you deal with those things and how you frame it in your mind. It is not a failure when you're wrong. It's actually great when you're wrong, because then you can figure out how to do it better next time or how to move forward and problem solve so maybe it doesn't happen again. And so,

That's a big thing. So those are the first seven. The next, I actually broke out into sections. And again, I'm reading from this because there's no way I could remember 38 lessons, but I did plan this out. So the next section is about like habits, which you know, we love a habit over here at Helly S Habits and just like daily life. So

Number eight is one habit won't change your life in a day, but consistency absolutely will. And I know I touched on this in another one, but like, you have to realize that it's a group of habits in a day that are consistent. Like you can't just do, like you can't just eat a salad one day and expect, this is the easiest example that I can think of.

Elyse Bushard (12:02.868)
you can't just eat a salad one day and expect that the rest of your week will be because you ate that one salad on Monday, that the rest of your week you'll feel great, even though you didn't eat healthy the other four days. That's like the easiest example. So like quick fixes are something that's tempting, but they don't stick. And the only thing that

the only thing that will make the biggest difference is consistency. Because consistency compounds slowly, is something to note because we all want quick fixes, right? But consistency compounds slowly, but powerfully, and that's where the long-term results come from. So one day, the shift becomes undeniable. Like something changes and it's because of like

30 days of consistency prior, or even a week of consistent, like you'll notice you feeling differently. And I'm talking about health because that's relatable for all of us, but this literally applies to anything. So one habit won't change your life in a day, but consistency will, that power of consistency. Number nine, tiny things done consistently will always beat,

the huge thing you rarely do. And that just means like five minutes a day beats two hours monthly. So if I stretch for five minutes a day, or I work out, let's say I did like a short workout for five or 10 minutes a day daily for 30 days.

That would beat out doing two hours monthly of anything. So small habits are sustainable and don't rely on things like motivation. And it just becomes a part of your identity. That's why we talk about hell yes habits here and what that means. And it's a habit that makes you feel good. So it just becomes a part of your routine, a part of your identity.

Elyse Bushard (14:31.652)
and is built from what you do the most often. Number 10, so that was number nine. Tiny things done consistently will always be a big thing. Number 10, if you don't schedule joy, the world will schedule your stress. And this all comes back to the notion that you are

How do I say this? you are trying, like if you are being a temperature gauge, we do the saying at work. like, if you, like let's say something happens and you are regulating the temperature of the room, you're in control of the room. I don't really know how, well, yes. So like if.

Like you're not being reactive then to anything around you. You are in control of the temperature of the room. So if you don't schedule something like joy in your own life and take control of your calendar, the fact is that joy needs place on your calendar. And when it doesn't have a place, the world will like everything, you'll just be pulled in a trillion different directions. And this happens.

on a weekly basis for me. When I don't do my morning routine or I don't have time and I don't start my day like I know I need to start my day and I open my emails too early or I read texts too early or I open Slack chat too early like on our work chat and then I start thinking in my brain.

of what everyone else needs instead of what I need. And the truth is that joy needs a place on your calendar. When you plan joy, you actually protect your energy. that can, that just is very general, but like it's true. And you deserve joy that's intentional for you and what you want and not like leftover, like a leftover space. Because it just,

Elyse Bushard (16:57.057)
So like scheduling things for yourself, and this could be with other people too, not just by yourself, but like I try and walk every day. That is like my joy. I love being outside. I love listening to podcasts and it's just time for me. I'm not, I'm not checking my phone. I'm not doing, and I am just walking and listening.

to whatever I decide to listen to. And that's me taking control. And I've tried to do that in the mornings. It's a little chillier now, so I do it midday. But that's just something. But also, this can be something that doesn't have to be daily. It could be twice a month, you schedule a massage or something. whatever your joy is. I'm not trying to define your joy. I was just trying to give you examples. So that's number 10. Schedule joy.

Number 11, being busy isn't a personality trait. It's a protective mechanism. And this one, I'm still learning, if I'm completely honest, because when I get stressed, I just want to be more busy, because I don't wanna feel the emotion of the stress. Busyness, in all reality though, it helps us avoid feelings.

conversations and discomfort. It makes me feel productive, but also just disconnected. Like I feel empty when this happens. And slowing down showed me what I was running for. And my walks actually do that for me. Because again, there are things that you can't control in your life. Like work will always be busy for me, but.

It's what I do when I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed is the answer isn't doing more work. It is actually taking a break and feeling what I'm feeling and asking why I'm feeling that way. And so that's something that hits home for me. That's number 11. Busy isn't a personality trait. And it's just helping us. It's just there to help us avoid feelings. Number 12.

Elyse Bushard (19:20.609)
Routines create freedom, not restriction. And this one is hard for me too because I love being spontaneous. And it's crazy, but routines support you on the days motivation disappears. People always talk about, I don't have motivation. And for me, my morning routine isn't about motivation at all.

It's just a habit. It's a hell yes habit. I know that I'll feel better when I do my morning routine or when I take a walk or when I work out three days a week, which I haven't done that recently. I've been consistently walking, but I need to get back into strength training and schedule those. routines create freedom. And so on Sundays,

I actually look at my week. look at the days I have to go into work versus not. And then I schedule my walks because that's very important to my mental health, physical and emotional health. It's everything. And then I even look, or I did, I've been bad at this recently, but like I look at where I can do at least three strength training workouts a week. I like to get in four.

but like three is great. And so I schedule those because when it's a routine and when it is in my calendar, I will physically be like, oh, well that's when I was gonna do this. If someone asked me to do something, then I move it somewhere else, but like it's there. And so it's more likely that I'm gonna do it. And it actually,

I used to think it restricted me more, but it creates more freedom because then I'm like, well, no, that's when I'm doing that. So I can do this here. But it actually makes you, it reduces decision fatigue. And I suffer from decision fatigue. And I know, I've talked to some of my friends, they suffer from that.

Elyse Bushard (21:44.375)
But like structure actually creates more space for being spontaneous, which is counterproductive, I know, but like that's the way it So routines actually create more freedom, not restriction. Number 13, if your life feels chaotic, simplify the inputs first. And what I mean by that is start with your environment, your screen time.

your morning routine, and remove the noise that's distracting you. And peace often comes from subtraction. What I mean by that is taking things out versus adding more things in. So if your life feels chaotic, simplify what you're currently doing first before you're trying to add new things in, because that's just gonna be more chaotic for you.

Especially since it's new and uncomfortable, you're probably gonna push it off. So that was the habits and daily life section. I'll repeat those together. Number eight was one habit won't change your life in a day, but consistency absolutely will. Number nine was tiny things done consistently will always beat this huge grandiose thing that you rarely do.

And number 10 is if you don't schedule joy, the world will schedule your stress. And that's that whole point of being not reactive but proactive in your life. Number 11 is being busy isn't a personality trait. It's actually a protective mechanism and it's helping us avoid feelings and conversations and discomfort. And number 12 is routines create freedom.

not restriction. And number 13, if your life feels chaotic, simplify the inputs first. So that was the habit section. The next section, again, I knew this was gonna be a fairly long episode, but here we are. We're celebrating section. This section is about self-worth and body image.

Elyse Bushard (24:09.793)
which I'm sure that everyone listening to can relate to in one way or another. And I wanted to have a section here, because that's been a huge part of my journey and loving my body. so number 14, we're almost, oh no, we're not halfway done yet. I forget, I'm 38. 14 is you never have to earn rest.

Rest is a human need. And I think this is just a reminder that burnout is not a badge of honor. And rest is not optional if you want long-term health. You don't need to justify being tired and going to bed early or taking a nap if you're a nap person. I'm jealous of nap people. My roommate is a huge nap person. But you don't need to justify being tired.

So that's number 14. Number 15 is your body is not a project. It's your home. And I think a lot of us get stuck in this because of weight loss journeys. We all want to be a certain size. We all want to look like each other. And I think that something so important to remember is your body holds your story, your joy, your heartbreak, your healing.

and you deserve to care for it from a place of love and not criticism all the time. We're so hard on ourselves. And your worth is not tied to your pants size and to the way you feel when you look in the mirror. Like it's not tied to a number on the scale, which by the way is only one measurement.

so your body's not a project. It's your home. number 16, comparison steals joy faster than burnout will. And it's important to remember, especially when we're scrolling on social media, when we're trying to like social media is set up to give you an algorithm of things that you are that

Elyse Bushard (26:38.878)
will tug at your heart, your brain, and make you think something. Like, that's marketing, I work in marketing. But comparison disconnects you from your own life. And sometimes we feel like we need that disconnection, right? Because we're going through a lot. But social media is curated, and it's not a reality. So remember, if someone is showing their highlight reel,

The chances are that in the background, they have something in their life that is chaotic and not as shiny and flashy as what you see on there. so it's important to, when you find yourself comparing yourself to people, especially online, you need to pause and stop looking at it or coming at it at a plate.

at a different place being like, well that's cool that that's happening to her and then him or her and then reframe it to be like, I'm thankful though for, and still be grateful for what could be going on in your life. Because comparison will steal your joy. Number 17, your worth is not something you earn. It's something you remember.

And what I mean by that is you were worthy before you accomplished anything. When you were born, you were worthy, especially hopefully to your parents or guardians or whoever raised you. And achievements don't define your identity. Your worthiness and how you feel about yourself is already built in when you're born.

It's not something you have to earn. Number 18 is you can love yourself and still want to grow. You can love yourself and, that's the power of and because self acceptance, that was a hard word for me today, self acceptance and self improvement can coexist. And growth feels more aligned when it's rooted in love.

Elyse Bushard (29:02.331)
and you can be proud of yourself and want something more. And you really can. Like you can love yourself and be happy in the moment and still want to grow and want more for yourself. And that doesn't make you selfish and that doesn't like, that doesn't make you ungrateful. That's something I had to learn. So those were the self worth and body image section.

So number 14, you never have to earn rest. Rest is a human need. Number 15, your body is not a project, it's your home. Number 16 is comparison steals joy faster than burnout. Number 17, your worth is not something you earn, it's something you remember. And number 18, you can love yourself and still want to grow.