Real Talk: When Old Insecurities Come Back

In this conversation, Elyse Bushard reflects on the experience of confronting old insecurities and the emotional turmoil that can arise when one feels transported back to a previous version of themselves. She discusses the conflict between logical self-awareness and emotional feelings of inadequacy, highlighting the challenges of self-perception and personal growth.

Episode Takeaways

• If you ever have had one of those nights where you feel like you've been transported back into time
• You feel stuck and you feel like you're in a spiral of a person
• I caught myself slipping into that old insecurity
• I feel invisible, like everyone else in the room is shining brighter
• Logically, I know I'm a different person
• I'm more confident and capable and deserving and worthy
• It's such a weird feeling to feel like a sidekick again
• Emotional struggles can challenge our self-perception
• Growth doesn't always mean leaving old feelings behind
• Self-worth can fluctuate based on our environment

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:01.442)
Hello, hello. As promised, I'm here, but not when I told you I would be here again. But, I mean, I can throw every excuse in the book out, out there for you to hear and pretend that you want to hear it. But I did not get two episodes in last week. It's Sunday again. And here I am. Maybe Mondays should be my new

Just stay. But I actually do plan on recording two today. Because one is one that I'm experiencing right now and one was one that I had planned. So you're getting probably two this week. But again, like if you've been here for a while, you know that I don't make any money off of this podcast, at least yet. If someone wants to sponsor me, please do.

But, or reach out to me, but I do this as a form of organized therapy, if you will, for myself, but also because I feel like there's a lot of things that we don't talk about and that need to be talked about that we silently hold in and we think we're all alone. And I know for sure about the topic that I'm gonna talk about today.

that I'm sure that one person can relate to this. And it's basically the concept of if you ever have had one of those nights where you feel like you've been transported back into time, like straight into an old version of yourself, you swore you'd outgrown already, like you've done a bunch of growth, you've worked hard.

And all of a sudden you're back in an environment and you feel stuck and you feel like you're in a spiral of a person and version of yourself that you appreciate but you don't want to be again. That was me recently. I was out with people I love and nothing bad happened. But somewhere in the middle of the night I caught myself slipping into

Elyse Bushard (02:22.957)
that old insecurity I thought I'd left behind. The one where I feel invisible, like everyone else in the room, is shining brighter and I'm just there, for lack of a better word. It's such a weird feeling because logically, I know I'm a different person, I'm more confident and capable and deserving and worthy, but emotionally, I felt like...

sidekick again and I'm gonna date myself but one of my favorite movies is called The Duff and if you haven't watched The Duff please watch The and you're a millennial woman watch The Duff it's a great movie granted they're in high school but I feel like cliques and things and friend groups and and dynamics like it's sad but they don't only exist in high school and

And anyways, it's all about this, like, I say sidekick again, but this concept of the duff is essentially that. Like the funny one, the friend people love having around, like, you're great personality, you're funny, but not the one they look at that way. And again, these are all insecurities.

I don't want anyone coming after any of my friends, any of, because these are things that I am putting forth myself and feelings that I'm having not by any actions around me. It is my own insecurities that I'm owning. And what's crazy is that it hit me. It's not that anyone said or did something wrong.

It's that the environment brought up an old story and I didn't talk myself through it and so I was in it. And it's this story for me personally that says, you're not the one who gets chosen. You're not the one people fall for. You're just the friend.

Elyse Bushard (04:43.724)
And it's actually painful to admit, but that old wound, it still lives somewhere inside me. And when it gets triggered, I try to numb it, right? Maybe drinking a little too much socially, scrolling for distraction, or looking for validation in places that can't actually fill that void. It actually, it might.

instantly fill that void, but then it makes me feel emptier. And every single time it leaves, like I said, like is instant gratification, but it just leaves me feeling emptier. But here's the thing I'm learning is that growth does not mean those insecurities disappear. Everyone has insecurities.

the richest celebrity that you look up to or your neighbor down the street, we all have insecurities. And even though we're growing out of people that we know we aren't anymore, sometimes certain environments trigger it again. And it means when they show up though, you have to be aware of them and

don't let them run the show. And that's easier said than done. I'm saying this from experience because it just happened to me. And I didn't do these things. But I know that if I would have done them in the moment, I would have been fine. But I didn't. I let the environment and my insecure thoughts overpower the situation. And then I turned to other things for comfort that just made me feel emptier.

unless I'm less worthy. And so it means though, like when they show up, you don't let them run the show, which means like you, I should have paused, breathed, went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror and just remind myself that this is an old story and I'm not living there anymore.

Elyse Bushard (07:06.953)
And saying that in a mirror, there's something powerful about staring at yourself in the mirror. I know it can feel weird. A lot of affirmations and manifestations, they tell you to like look, but I'm telling you, it does make a difference. And I know in a public bathroom, you can still look at yourself. You don't have to say it out loud, but like, I could have gone in the experience, gone to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and been like, this is an old story. I'm not living there anymore because

I'm not the sidekick and I never was. And you just forget in the moment that your light doesn't depend on who notices it, right? I was depending on like other people around me to lift me up when I needed to lift myself up, myself. And

And so in that moment, it's not that your light doesn't depend, that your, it is, sorry, rephrase. You forget in the moment that your light doesn't depend on who notices it, it shines because it's yours. So yeah, maybe old feelings still come back sometimes, but now instead of spiraling,

I see them as an invitation, a chance to practice a new kind of self-love. And again, I'm not perfect. I hope that if you're listening to this, you know by now that I'm not. And every podcast that I have done are actual situations that either I'm going through right now or I've learned from. And this one is very right because it just happened, but.

I do know that thinking back to the moment, if I would have paused, if I would have took a breath, if I would have reminded myself that this is an old story, it would have made all the difference. And maybe that's what a hell yes habit really is and why I create this habit. It's not perfection, like I said.

Elyse Bushard (09:29.235)
but it's the willingness to catch yourself in the old story and then rewrite it with grace. So you pause, you breathe, and you just remind yourself that this is an old story and I'm not living there anymore.

This is very simple. Again, it just happened to me, but also I wanted to share it with you because I do think that all of us need this reminder because certain environments can trigger things. We're coming up in the holidays. Like family can trigger things. It can make you feel like you're a kid again, even though you're not because your family hasn't learned like who you.

what adult you are and what your beliefs are as an adult, which can be wildly different and most likely are than what they were when you were being molded as a kid. And so I just say this as a reminder because you are in power of how you feel in every situation and

you just need to do one small things that brings you back into the moment, into your power, into who you are right now. Because we've all done a lot of work, right? We all don't need to be pulled back into the insecure high school or college version of us if we're in our 30s or 40s or 50s or 60s. We don't need to be pulled or 70s. Sorry, mom, I almost forgot you.

Because all you need is something that reconnects you to the woman or man that you are now, and not that prior version of you. And it doesn't have to be something outlandish, but in the moment, if I would have done this, I guarantee that it would have made all of the difference. And I wouldn't have spiraled and looked for validation in places that just made me feel emptier.

Elyse Bushard (11:48.528)
So yeah, because honestly, I mean, of course, maybe those feelings come back sometimes, but that doesn't mean you're back at square one. That's what I felt like. I was like, great, now I just start all the way over. And that's not true because I'm still that person. And although it took me a little bit to get out of this funk, it doesn't mean that I'm back at square one.

And if this ever happens to you, it doesn't mean that you need to start all over redefining yourself because that growth is still there. Who you are now is still there and who you want to be is also still there. So, but it just means that you've been given another chance to practice believing in yourself again. And that is a hell yes habit.

This one was kind of short but also very vulnerable for me. And I hope it was helpful. If this was helpful at all or you have any experiences that you would like to share with me or if you have any friends or family members that you feel like this message would resonate with, I feel like we all need this reminder that we don't always, like it happens, right? We are back in an environment that

holes at our insecurities. But I do think that we forget who we are in that moment, but it's always easy. We can always come back to it. Because that growth that you've went through, that person that you're proud of is still there. So I love you friends, and I really hope that this was helpful.