The Hard Truth About Why You Keep Quitting on Yourself

In this episode, Elyse Bushard returns to her podcast after a brief hiatus, sharing her personal journey of self-reflection and growth. She discusses the importance of keeping promises to oneself, the challenges of breaking commitments, and how to rebuild trust and confidence through small, manageable habits. Elyse emphasizes that self-care and self-acceptance are crucial, and encourages listeners to make small promises to themselves to foster a sense of accomplishment and self-trust.

Episode Takeaways:

• Elyse reflects on her hiatus and the importance of community.
• She emphasizes the need to prioritize self-care and personal growth.
• Breaking promises to oneself can redefine one's self-image negatively.
• It's essential to understand why we break promises to ourselves.
• Small, consistent actions can help rebuild trust and confidence.
• Elyse shares her experience with setting achievable goals.
• The importance of self-acceptance and not seeking validation from others.
• Building habits takes time and requires patience and consistency.
• Elyse encourages listeners to start with micro-promises.
• Creating a supportive environment is key to personal growth.

Chapters

• 0:00 Elyse's Return and Personal Reflection
• 7:11 Breaking Promises to Ourselves
• 22:08 Rebuilding Trust and Confidence

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:01.518)
Hello, hello everyone. Um, I know I disappeared I disappeared from the planet Earth But I'm back and I'm feeling Better than ever. I I had a rough season if I'm being honest where I was questioning a lot about The person that I am a lot of things were happening around me people were making me a question who I was and

I had to like really reground myself and re-prioritize things in my life. And what kept coming up for me is that I really enjoy this podcast. I really enjoy the community that I've created, whether it's my family listening, my friends, people that follow me on social media, and people internationally, I want to be here and it actually helps me.

to talk through things, so I am sorry that I disappeared. Actually, I'm not sorry because I feel like I'm coming back more refreshed, more energetic, and I'm gonna say this because it will keep me accountable to it, but I'm sitting down right now and I'm gonna record two podcasts and I'm gonna release two a week, at least until my birthday, which is, by the way,

my anniversary of when I launched my podcast. I launched my podcast on my birthday last year, and in November. And so I would just like to go out with a bang. And in this last like five weeks or so leading up to or four weeks, I guess, leading up to my birthday, I want to release to a week. So

I'm probably gonna record them on the weekends and then release them, I'm thinking Monday and Friday. But if you have any other thoughts of that, please DM me, please let me know. So yeah, as I mentioned, let me get going here. As I mentioned, a lot of things have just been happening around me with drama, people at work, with family, with a lot of things and...

Elyse Bushard (02:26.249)
It just made me pause and actually go back to an insecure person that I don't recognize anymore because I haven't been that person in a long time. But I feel like moments happen in our lives that we can either let them kick us down or pick us back up again. And it took me a little bit. It took me a minute.

but I'm here and I am just feeling more like myself and not apologizing for the person that I am and the heart that I have and people that don't understand that I'm gonna let them whether it be right or wrong like and the people that love me and the people that understand me I am gonna welcome with open arms and

and let them in my life more. so, yeah, that's where I'm at. with relationships in my life and what happened in a nutshell, but just like everything happened like pretty like sequentially. And I think it was the universe's way or God or whatever you believe in of being like, hey,

Like, just be okay with the person that you are. And it's okay if some people don't like you. Cause that is a fact of life. I think I even had my mom, and she will be listening to this. I even had my mom give me like a very tough love talk, which is not like my mom, but she like gave me like a, was just like, Elise.

Who cares if they don't like you? It's fine. Like, are you gonna stop being yourself? No, just do it. And so anyways, it's helpful to have people in your life, whether it be friends, family, people that just, they understand you and love you. And so they're like, no, like be aware. Like I'm not saying bulldoze people into.

Elyse Bushard (04:48.064)
But what I am saying is like, not everyone's gonna like you and that's okay. And that was something that I had to realize as a 37 year old adult, almost 38, and so I wanted to share that lesson along with you and kind of what's been going on with me. What else? I just took an everything shower. I'm trying on Sundays now for it to be my reset day, like an actual reset day. Not one that I am,

Sometimes that looks like watching movies, right? Because sometimes that's where it is. like, I mean like resetting, getting ready for the week, planning out my week has been essential. I am starting to meal prep, but I'm not talking about like four hour meal prepping. No. I go grocery shopping and then I maybe prep two proteins that I could use in a variety of ways. And then I'm good.

And if you're ever interested in that, follow me on social media and maybe I'll start sharing some more recipes on there. What else? I feel like that's it. Let's dive into this episode. I just feel like I needed to give you a catch up because I took like an over, I don't know how long, I think it's September. So it's been a month or so that I've missed it and I've missed, like missed it, like missed doing this and

But here I am, two episodes are gonna be released this week and until my birthday at least and then we'll reevaluate to see if like, it's something that I wanna continue but I would just like to like end the year anniversary of my podcast strong and because I missed this month I just, I have a lot to say, I have a lot of ideas in my phone and so here we are. But.

Welcome back, like I said, thank you for listening again. I'm your host, Elise. If this was your first episode, go back a few, you'll get to know me a little bit better, but that at least catches people up who are like, where'd she go? And today though, I wanted to talk about something that I think every woman or man listening to this has done at some point. Like we've set a goal, maybe to start working out again.

Elyse Bushard (07:12.394)
That's the simplest example that I feel like everyone can relate to, or drinking more water, or stop scrolling before bed and have a bedtime routine, get consistent with some sort of morning routine, whatever it is, and then we just break that promise for whatever reason, because life is life-ing, things are happening. We started strong though and felt motivated, and then life just got life-y.

as I say, and a stressful week, a late night, someone needed us, and suddenly, that promise we made to ourselves is gone. Like, it just disappears. And then we kind of spiral, right? We're like, well, we missed this day, like, we'll just start over next week, or on a Monday, or next month. And we...

Because we tend to like beat ourselves up and then we spiral and then we say things like I always do this or why can't I just stick to something? I'm sure all of this sounds familiar and I say this coming from a person that does this because me too and Here's the thing though that no one tells you every time that you set a goal and then break a promise to yourself

you're actually redefining yourself as someone who quits. you're re- re-engaging your brain. Like your brain habitually, like, your brain is smart, for lack of better words. Your brain is smart and will literally, like, it's like, well, I just quit at that. So I started something new, so I'm just not gonna do it again, cause I failed. So.

we'll just go on to the next shiny thing, right? Your brain is like, okay, well, I'm a quitter. It just keeps repeating that. And it's like, well, it's fine though, because I'm a quitter. It's fine, it's fine. But let's actually unpack this because it isn't about the guilt, it's about understanding why that happens, and then on the flip side, how we can change that.

Elyse Bushard (09:33.744)
So growing up, especially as like a millennial or if you're elder millennial, Gen X women, or even younger if you're listening, we, or even boomers, because I have a group of boomers that listen to this, we were taught to be reliable, right? We were taught that keeping your word mattered, but mostly that meant keeping your word to other people, right? So like,

I'm gonna use an example that I feel like boomers can relate to and I was raised by boomers. Finishing a meal on your plate, even if you're not hungry, you did that so you could get some of reward or make your parents happy. We were praised for being dependable, for showing up.

for helping, for saying yes to everything. And we learned that being quote unquote good meant following through as long as it was for someone else. And someone else saw us as this person who did this. And so we're very helpful and dependable to them. So we became women who would bend over, women or men, I don't wanna forget men.

who will bend over backwards to keep our commitments to everyone around us. But then we would break our own promises without a second thought. So we would stay up late to finish work for our boss. We'll show up for a friend even when we're exhausted and can't even do anything for ourselves that day. We'll plan a whole birthday party for our kid down to the balloon color.

But we'll skip our workout because we're too tired. We'll forget to meal prep for ourselves to plan out for the week because it's been a long day. We'll say I'll start over next week and next week never really comes. And it's not because we don't care about ourselves. I want to make that clear. It's actually because we spent so long believing that our promises don't carry the same weight.

Elyse Bushard (11:55.843)
as the promises we have to everyone else. I'm gonna say that again. It's not because we don't care about ourselves, it's because we've spent so long believing that our promises don't carry the same weight as everyone else's. So think about that. So like when I say every time you break a promise to yourself, you're redefining yourself as someone who quits, it's actually not meant as like a jab.

It's an invitation. So, because here's what's really happening. Every time you keep a promise, even a small one, you're casting a vote for the kind of person you believe you are. You're like putting it in your belief bank or your confidence bank. And every time you break one, you're casting a vote for the opposite way. And our identity is built by those votes.

It's not built overnight or through one big transformation or one decision. It's built through tiny little choices and promises that we keep to ourselves. That's why it's so easy to start believing things like, I'm inconsistent. I never finish what I start. I can't trust myself in front of a plate of cookies or whatever it is.

because your brain has been collecting evidence for years. It's so hard to break that. And it's not that you're incapable. It's that you've taught it not to trust you. You've taught your brain not to trust you and that you are the person who doesn't keep promises. And you are the person that works out to fix your body instead of like for mental gains or...

whatever your reason is for staying healthy.

Elyse Bushard (13:56.679)
But the beautiful part about all of this is that you can rewrite that story anytime. Any frickin' time. You can become someone your brain does trust again. Someone who follows through, who builds confidence, who doesn't just set goals. She keeps them. And the way you do that isn't through some 75 day challenge.

unless that motivates you. But to kick you off, I would say that if you want something sustainable and you want something long-term, it can't be an all or nothing reset. It's through micro-promises. The kind that are so small, you almost roll your eyes at them.

For me right now, for example, it is taking at minimum 6,500 steps six to seven days a week. And I've been consistent at that now for over a month because I kept telling myself that I feel better after this and I kept doing, I kept taking the action.

I kept tracking my steps and looking and being like, hey, I've worked at, and 6,500 steps is a lot, by the way, when you work from home and you don't leave the computer. I know some people have a walking pad. I would prefer walking outside. I am anti-walking pad. I don't wanna be inside while I'm walking. I like being outside. I like listening to a podcast or even just walking outside, processing thoughts.

and being outside in nature. I really enjoy that. I don't know what I'm gonna do during the winter. I might be a crazy person that walks in the snow, but we'll see. Follow me on Instagram to see what I do. So, for example, I'm gonna drink a full glass of water before my coffee. I'm gonna walk around the block before I check my phone. I'm going to...

Elyse Bushard (16:20.327)
write one line in my journal every morning of gratitude. Whatever it is, it's small. These don't have to be these grandiose things. Also, I just watched Wicked the other day. They use grandiose. I'm obsessed with Wicked, by the way. I will be going to see the second one the day before my birthday. Speaking of my birthday, there's gonna be a lot of talk about that because I love my birthday.

So it's, that was a random tangent, welcome. So it's not necessarily like a huge thing again. Like it's a small, minuscule, not grandiose thing. And so it's not a page, it's not 10 minutes, it's one line.

in a journal of gratitude or even just thinking three things of gratitude if you don't want to write it down. Because when you do something small and actually follow through with it, your brain registers it as evidence. It's like you're whispering to yourself, see, you can trust me. I'm gonna follow through. Your brain literally can be trained again is what I'm saying.

I remember a season when I was in deep burnout. I go in and out of seasons of deep burnout. I'm saying it like it's in the past, but it's not. Like work is chaotic, my health felt off, and every day felt like survival mode. And I'd set like big goals to try to fix it, quote unquote. Like wake up earlier, meditate, workout, clean, eat clean.

clean too, all at once. And shocker, I'd last about three days before it all crumbled. And then I'd feel worse because now I wasn't just tired, I was also disappointed on myself. So it's like stacking that. And of course I'm not gonna do something, like when you feel that down on yourself, it takes a lot more to get yourself out of that.

Elyse Bushard (18:41.509)
And it wasn't until I started small, like really small, that things began to shift. Like my first hell yes habit was having a bedtime routine and stretching for five minutes before bed. I have videos too that I watch sometimes, but I have like three stretches that I do before bed and it...

helps me not only breathe and focus on something other than what happened during the day or the week or as women I feel like we have a thousand things on our mind right and and it just helps me calm myself before bed and also I try I say try because I'm not perfect but I try not to scroll before bed

Because not only is the light scientifically bad for you to stare at, but I try not to look at my phone before bed. Because when I do that, and especially social media, I don't look at that before bed because then I get either into comparison mode or like it triggers my brain to think about the next day and what I have to do.

or what I have to do at work that I'm not gonna have time for, or all these things. So like, that is one thing that I did. I also try, again, not perfect, but in the morning, I only get my phone to turn off the alarm and listen to my personal development app. If you've been around here, I listen to Growth Day. It is an amazing app.

for personal development. It helps you not only journal, but there's like world-class trainers in there. Anyways, if you're interested in that DM me or I can also put it in the show notes of this episode. where's it going? So those are just small things like that I did that made a big impact and now they've become habits for me.

Elyse Bushard (20:56.577)
When I don't do them, I notice them. And my brain is like, hey, that thing felt good. You should probably do that again. Our brain will do that because I trained it to now be like, hey, you didn't stretch before bed. Hey, you scrolled social media. What the hell? Before you, before bed or you scroll, you picked up your phone and you open Instagram. What are you doing? Like.

I have that in my head when I do the actions, even if it's on autopilot, and then I correct myself very quickly to get out of it. Again, you can train your brain. It sounds so silly, but it's so profound that these tiny promises can build a foundation, and that foundation creates consistency.

And that consistency builds confidence. And your brain, again, it's like rewiring what it believes to be true. Because confidence doesn't come from massive wins. It doesn't. Massive wins are great, but it's the consistent, tiny follow throughs that make the impact. So if you're in a season where you feel like you've lost trust in yourself,

or you're just sick and tired of starting over, I want you to know that you're not broken. You've just been practicing the wrong muscle. You've been flexing your people-pleasing muscle, your perfectionism muscle, your I'll start Monday, arl, arl, I'll start Monday muscle, but it's time to start flexing yourself.

trust muscle again. And it starts with one promise, one hell yes habit. And it doesn't have to take more than five minutes. Because when you show yourself that your word matters, not just to others, but to you, everything changes. You start walking taller, you start feeling lighter, and you start realizing that you're capable.

Elyse Bushard (23:19.135)
of more than you've given yourself credit for. And guess what? Slowly but surely, you start to become the kind of woman or man who doesn't quit because quitting no longer fits the story you tell yourself. So to wrap up this week, I want you to ask yourself, what's one small promise I can make to myself tomorrow?

this week and actually keep. Maybe it's as simple as a morning routine you actually enjoy. Again, these don't have to be things you hate. Also, these are things that make you feel good. Getting 6,500 steps and walking around the neighborhood that I live in gives me joy. It lets me release the day. When I do it, and when I was pet sitting, for example, two weekends ago,

I ended up taking like I got like 12k steps because the dog that I was pet sitting took me on a longer walk than I because I didn't know the area and but anyways we didn't get lost because the dog knew exactly where we were going but but I felt amazing I like

I can't explain to you the energy that I felt and that in my brain, I know when I don't get, when I get less than one K steps in a day because life happens, right? Life is crazy. The next day you can bet I'm going to get my 65 K or more steps in because I know that it makes me feel better and I've wired my brain over the past month.

to do so. It takes about 28 to 30, 32 days to build a habit. And I can tell you that I have built that habit now. And now it's like, you don't have to also do, I wanna make a small note, you don't have to also do everything at once. So pick one thing this week, one thing that you can integrate. Maybe it's prepping one protein so you,

Elyse Bushard (25:42.688)
have a grab and go lunch item that you can put on top of a salad or a bowl or whatever or in a quesadilla. That is what I'm gonna do, by the way. I have some chicken and I'm putting, anyways, a crock pot meal. But, just a small note. But again, maybe it's getting outside for five minutes a day. Maybe it's saying no to something when you usually say yes. Whatever it is.

Let it be small, doable, and meaningful. Because that's how you rebuild trust and retrain your brain. And that, my friends, is how you create momentum. And, of course, how you create a hell yes life, one promise at a time. And as I always say, if this episode hit home for you, the only way that this podcast gets

gets any short of traction is by you telling your friends, you sharing it on your social media with a link in the stories and tagging me. Because your friends or family, like they might also need this reminder so that they are not quitters and maybe that they are just one promise away from getting their confidence back.

And if you haven't already, please hit the subscribe and leave a review on Apple, on Spotify. It helps more women find this podcast and these conversations. And it helps me keep showing up. Although, like I said, I kind of do this a lot of, it's like talking through therapy for me as well. And I missed it and I'm back full force.

Again, I'm gonna be releasing this episode tomorrow, Monday, and then another episode on Friday. So, but until next time, keep those promises, keep showing up, and keep saying hell yes to yourself, friends. I love ya! Bye.