Finding the Middle Ground in Giving a "DUCK"…

In this episode of Hell Yes Habits, Elyse Bushard discusses the importance of managing emotional investment in various aspects of life, using the metaphor of 'ducks' to represent the energy and care we give to people and projects. She shares personal anecdotes, explores the extremes of caring too much or too little, and offers practical habits to find a balanced approach to emotional investment. The episode is both humorous and insightful, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own 'duck distribution' and implement strategies for a more fulfilling life.

Takeaways

• We often let go of things that bring us joy during tough times.
• It's important to find a balance in emotional investment.
• Giving too many ducks can lead to exhaustion.
• Not caring at all can lead to disconnection.
• Pausing before reacting can help manage emotional responses.
• Duck journaling can clarify what truly deserves our attention.
• Setting limits on what we care about can prevent burnout.
• The right amount of care leads to a more fulfilling life.
• Awareness of our emotional investment is key to happiness.
• Finding the middle ground is essential for well-being.

#HellYesHabits #Care #WellBeing #Personal Development

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:01)
Hello, hello. I'm back again. You know, this weekly podcast that I promised then fell off the face of the earth for two weeks and now I'm back. But welcome back to Hell Yes Habits, the space where we stop speed walking through life and start building habits that actually feel like a hell yes. You heard the intro, but I always like to give a short introduction there. This episode is going to be funny.

⁓ because I need a little laughter in my life at this point in time. And it's also gonna be like with a serious note and things that you can take away as well because that's what we're all about here. That's what you're here for if you're listening ⁓ or you just love me and are my family and are listening. So hello to all of you. ⁓ I didn't fall off the face of the earth for two weeks. ⁓ And in fact, I just been through like just...

a season that was rough and I like to show up here full of energy and I like to show up here ⁓ being real and when I can't show up in the way that I want to, this is unfortunately the first thing to go, even though it does really bring me joy. And isn't that funny when you're going through, I have a whole podcast episode about it, but when you're going through... ⁓

a hard season, you let go of the things that bring you joy, which doesn't make sense. ⁓ But here I am, ⁓ just to catch you up on a little bit about me personally, and then I'll dive into the podcast. ⁓ I have been watching The Summer I Turned Pretty. Yes, I went on that train.

Also, I've always been on the trash TV train. ⁓ I bond with people ⁓ online and in real life who are obsessed with these ridiculous shows that just like warp you in. But I think I love them because it lets me forget about real life just for a little bit, for a moment, and laugh or cry or whatever the show has us doing. So anyways, that has been The Summer I Turn Pretty. And then if you want the Western trashier

dramatic version of it in, set in Colorado, where I am, ⁓ the show on Netflix called ⁓ My Life with the Walter Boys, I almost forgot what it was, ⁓ is basically a dupe of The Summer I Turned Pretty. It's just set in Colorado on a ranch in the mountains, so it's more like western-like. So if you like The Summer I Turned Pretty, I highly recommend My Life with the Walter Boys as well.

⁓ if you have Netflix. Again, I love trash TV, always have. I watch shows like Jersey Shore, The Challenge. If you're with me, I love you back and we should chat about it. DM me what you think about any of the shows I mentioned. ⁓ I love talking about them. ⁓ And yeah, I also watch Love Island. Like don't even get me started on that show.

But so many things. So yeah, that is what I've been doing, but also just very busy at work. I work at a marketing agency. I think I've mentioned that before on this podcast, but ⁓ very busy doing that. ⁓ I also started ⁓ doing dance fitness classes at Fly Dance Fitness. If you're in Colorado, check them out. They're amazing. I absolutely...

Like it just brings me joy. The instructors there are amazing, the energy there is amazing. I've made a bunch of new friends at classes. ⁓ Like you can't help, even though sometimes I don't know what I'm doing with my hands or my feet, ⁓ you can't help but smile when you're dancing and that is like one of my favorite things. anyways, let's get into why you came here, why you listened to this podcast.

Maybe not about my life, but I like to share a little bit about what's going on every once in a while. ⁓ If I have something to say. ⁓ I was going to say my life is boring. My life is not actually boring. ⁓ Well, it is kind of to me sometimes, but like I have a lot going on, ⁓ but I also am very blessed. So, but anyways, let's get in to this podcast ⁓ today.

We are talking about ducks. No, you don't need to adjust your sound. Yep, we really are talking about ducks and not the kind that float across the pond. Although, I have to say the funny part is I work for a marketing agency and one of my bosses, one of the partners of the company has ducks and she loves ducks. So I don't actually know she listens to this podcast, but also

She, so it always reminds me whenever I say ducks. But anyways, I'm not talking about the ones that float across the pond that are quacky and cute. I mean the ducks we give out in life. ⁓ And I think you know what I'm getting at, but because honestly I've noticed that I either give way too many ducks or absolutely none at all.

It's like I've never found a middle ground for moderate duck distribution. And I just made a reel about this. So if you follow me on Instagram, which by the way, if you listen to this podcast, you should follow me on Facebook and Instagram. I'm on both of those platforms. I'm also on threads and TikTok, but I rarely use those. Again, I'm a millennial. It's like a slow, like, but I have to know what's going on also because of my job.

on all the platforms. So I'm on all of them. But I think you know what I'm getting at when I say ducks and I'm replacing the word. ⁓ But I ⁓ also didn't want to keep saying the F word on my podcast. So we're just replacing with ducks because we're funny here. And so let me give you examples though. ⁓ Like when I say

I give too many ducks. I'm the person who will replay a conversation in my head a hundred times, worried if I said the wrong thing, like after it happens. ⁓ I stay up late finishing a project at work that was already good enough, quote unquote, two hours ago, but I just can't let it go. And I care so much about someone else's opinion sometimes that I lose sight of my own.

And that is examples for me personally. ⁓ But hopefully maybe you can see yourself in one or two of those. And maybe you've been there too. You give all your ducks away until you're left running on empty. But then there's the flip side. So when I give zero ducks, I ghost text message because I just can't with people at the moment. So I just don't.

respond and I have like 10 text messages from people. ⁓ I completely shut down in a situation where I should probably show up and say my opinion, but I cower or I tell myself I don't care, but deep down I actually do and I just don't want to deal with the feelings of it. ⁓ I have done all of those things.

and I'm sure that I'm not the only one. And here's the thing, so neither extreme that I just described really feels like a hell yes, does it? Like because if you have too many ducks, it's exhausting, right? You care too much. And if you have zero ducks, you are disconnected. You ⁓ feel just very disconnected. So what do we do?

How do we find that middle ground of moderate duck distribution? And this is where habits can come in. ⁓ And here are a few hell yes habits that help me ⁓ when I notice that I'm aware that I'm doing either one of these extremes ⁓ is I pause before you pause before you pass out ducks, if you will.

I love how I keep saying ducks. ⁓ Before reacting, I asked myself, does this actually deserve one of my ducks? even if, or like, am I giving them away because I feel pressured to? Even like a five second pause can save you from over investing in things that don't really matter. So that's number one, pause before you pass out any ducks. ⁓

Duck journaling. Yes, this sounds ridiculous, right? Because I'm saying duck again, but it actually works. And at the end of the day, like you can jot down things like what you give ducks about, like what you care about today, what didn't deserve a single duck, and maybe needed just one duck instead of 20 that you threw at it. It's like an audit.

for your energy and your attention. ⁓ And I've done this when I have been overthinking how to respond to something. ⁓ I've written out all my feelings, thrown up on either my phone, usually it's my phone, or a piece of paper. ⁓ But we all know us millennials can type faster with our thumbs than, and on computers.

than I can write. I still love writing though. I love putting pen to paper, but sometimes in a pinch when I'm going through it and I know that I can't send this message, right? I just write it in my notes. I have like probably like 25 right now that I can think of times that I have done that where I've like written like a letter to someone that has either pissed me off

or and I know I can't send it right or I can't send that version of it but or that text or whatever but I get all my thoughts out on paper and it works so that's number two ⁓ and we can call it duck journaling number three is set a duck or sorry set a hell yes duck limit and this one's been huge for me like each day

I give myself permission to deeply care about a limit of things, like three things. If something outside of that demands something, demands a duck, I remember myself, nope, it doesn't make the list today. And here's the magic. When you learn to give your ducks more intentionality, you don't feel drained and you don't feel shut off. And instead you feel aligned, you feel balanced.

Balance doesn't really exist, but you feel aligned. You feel like you're living a hell yes life. So that's it, three things. Number one, pause before you pass out any ducks. Number two, duck journaling. And number three, set a hell yes duck limit. So based on that, here is my challenge for you. Notice, like as you go into this coming week,

Notice your duck distribution this week. Are you giving too many? Are you noticing like it's overwhelming you that you're caring too much or not enough? And where could you find that middle ground? Because the truth is the people who get the best of us, the people and the projects that truly matter, don't need all of your ducks.

They just need the right ones, the bright and shiny yellow ones. There's multiple colors of ducks, but I was thinking of a rubber duck, not a real duck. Again, I'm talking about ducks. I just am cracking myself up with this episode because, yeah, I mean, and that's really it for this episode. I did...

chat about with my boss recently, there is this book called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Duck. And I read it like a long time ago. It's a pretty old book. ⁓ But ⁓ I am gonna start reading that again because I feel like I'll take it differently than I did when I read it like in my 20s. And so

That is a fun, like, ⁓ segway that you could read. I forget who it's by. ⁓ I can message me if you're interested, but it's called the Subtl art of giving a F. A fuck. I'll say it one time. ⁓ A duck. A ducky duck. ⁓ And yeah, that is it, though. It's a short and sweet episode, but like,

I wanted it to be short and punchy and give you just a tool because I legitimately do these things on the daily. Like I either care too much or I don't care at all. And that middle ground is sometimes very hard for me to navigate ⁓ because that is where happiness is.

for most people ⁓ because if you are caring too much it's overwhelming and if you are not caring at all you just feel disconnected. so yeah, let's all try and give the accurate amount of ducks to life. And I hope you got a kick out of this episode. I had fun recording it.