The Way You Talk to Yourself Could be Wrecking You - Here's How to Stop

In this episode of Hell Yes Habits, we dive deep into the transformative power of self-talk. Elyse unpacks the hidden costs of negative self-talk and shares practical steps to rewrite the script in your mind. Discover how to catch negative thoughts in real time, create empowering go-to phrases, and start your mornings with intention. Learn to surround yourself with positive influences and separate your self-worth from your mistakes. Tune in for a heartfelt reminder that words become beliefs, and beliefs shape your life. Let's transform our inner dialogue and build a life that feels as good as it looks. 

Takeaways

• Negative self-talk costs you confidence and momentum.
• Your inner dialogue is shaped by early experiences.
• Scripts in your mind can be rewritten at any time.
• Awareness is the first step to changing self-talk.
• Ask yourself if you would say this to someone you love.
• Create a go-to phrase to counter negative thoughts.
• Start your day with positive affirmations.
• Surround yourself with uplifting people.
• You are not defined by your mistakes.
• Words shape your beliefs and decisions.

#SelfTalk #MindsetShift #HellYesHabits

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:01.433)
Hello, hello, hello friends. Welcome back to Hell Yes Habits. You know here we're the podcast that helps you create a life that doesn't just look good on the outside, but feels aligned on the inside. And today, I'm just gonna dive right into it. We're getting into something real and raw and actually just way more powerful than we give it credit for.

We're talking about the words you say to yourself. Not the ones you post, not the ones you say out loud to your friends, but the ones you whisper under your breath when you look in the mirror. The ones that play on a loop in your mind when you mess up, when you fall behind, make mistakes, or just don't quote unquote get it right in your mind.

And let's be honest, if you talked to your best friend the way you talk to yourself, you wouldn't have a best friend. You wouldn't. They wouldn't wanna be around you. So today, we're just unpacking what that negative self-talk is actually doing to you, and more importantly, how to stop it. So really, first,

We need to talk about what negative self-talk is really costing you and costing me. I'm not excluding myself out of this. I talk to myself negatively at least weekly. It used to be daily. So this is a process. And let me ask you a question to start off. What's the story you've been telling yourself lately? Like on repeat.

Is it I'm not doing enough? I'm so behind. I always screw this up. Why would anyone care what I have to say? Look at her. She's killing it and I'm just fill in the blank, tired, worthless. Like, and let me tell you, your brain subconsciously and consciously listens to every single word.

Elyse Bushard (02:22.616)
you're saying. So if you're saying it on repeat, and the more you say it, even silently in your brain, the more your brain wires that belief into everything and it plays into everything that you do, say, believe. And so negative self-talk doesn't just make you feel crappy in the moment. It literally trains your brain

to expect less from yourself and from your life. And it kills confidence. It slows momentum in your life to where you wanna go. And it keeps you stuck in a cycle of shame that feels safe, but is actually just sabotaging everything you want. And here's this harsh truth. You cannot

Build a hell yes life and you know, that's what we're about here with a hell no mindset You just can't it doesn't make sense and your brain wants to logically find out what makes sense so and It tries to make sense out of your negative self-talk is what you're teaching it when you are saying negative things over and over again And you're like great Elise, but we're

Where does that come from? And I wanna preface this by saying you're not broken and I am not out of this conversation at all because I need you to know something that if you bend hard on yourself, that doesn't mean that you're broken, it just means you're human. And a lot of our inner dialogue was shaped very early by family, school, society, religion and yes.

social media. You were probably praised for being perfect, quiet, helpful, pretty, polite. So now when you're not those things, the inner critic shows up. But here's what I want you to hear loud and crystal clear. That voice in your head is actually not the real you. It's not.

Elyse Bushard (04:48.752)
And it's just a script that you learned. And scripts can be rewritten all the time. Fun fact, I actually worked for the CMA Awards in Nashville, or CMT, I worked for CMA too, but CMT Awards, the Country Music Television Awards, the ones that are like fan voted. And I worked.

and helped out the script department. And what the script department does is literally when we're in rehearsals and sometimes even in the live show, they will rewrite the script multiple times until it hits. So like the host, for instance, will read something aloud in rehearsals and they will be like, that isn't funny enough or that wasn't sentimental enough or.

something like that, and they will rewrite it on the spot and have the host reread it, like in rehearsals, to get it right. So it hits right when it's read aloud. This was, and I like reprinted script, no, I didn't rewrite things. I could have probably eventually gotten there, but I was just a, I got paid like a small amount. I just did it for the experience and was there.

like printing out the script, like and reprinting out the script and getting it to all the right people, because there's like a million people in production in TV. And so anyways, it was basically a glorified assistant job, but just knowing that like scripts, even on live TV can be written and learned like.

in real time all the time. So of course your script can be rewritten and learned and the thoughts that you are reproducing in your mind over and over again, it can be rewritten at any time. And you can catch yourself too and be aware. So that brings me right into my next point is how to talk to yourself like someone you actually love. Like how to do this. So basically, like how do we rewrite this?

Elyse Bushard (07:06.069)
How do we go from self trash talk to self trust? here are, you know I like to break this down in hell yes habits. So here's a way to clean up the way you talk to yourself starting today. And one of them I already talked about and number one thing is catch it in real time. So awareness is the first habit. Start noticing the voice when it kicks in.

Wow, I just said I'm an idiot for forgetting that meeting pause Catch it. Don't judge it and just name it just be aware of it. That isn't even changing anything That's just being aware of it and being like why the hell did I do that? Like and catching it and being aware number two is ask would I say this to someone I love? Would I and if the answer is no and likely it is

It doesn't belong in your mind, period. And try this filter. If I wouldn't say this to my niece, my best friend, or my younger self, I don't get to say it to me either.

Pretty powerful. Number three, create a go-to rewrite phrase. And by this I mean have one simple powerful line to put you out of the spiral. And here's a few that might work for you. Is this is hard, but I'm doing my best. I am learning as I go. Learning is great. And I've survived 100 % of my worst days.

and can do this too. And those are just general enough that I'm sure one of them you can gravitate towards. Number four is start your morning with intention. Your first words of the day matter. Before you check your phone, say one kind thing out loud to yourself. Like I'm proud of you for showing up. Today gets to be different. I trust you.

Elyse Bushard (09:19.315)
And it helps actually, it sounds weird, but look in the mirror when you say these just three words, I trust you, or I'm proud of you for showing up. I'm thankful for you. like just saying it out loud and that being your first days of, or your first words of the day, your first days of the words, your first words of the day.

It will just transform your morning and push you forward into harder tasks of the day. One way that I do this and I've talked about numerous times is I use this app called Growth Day. If you want a free trial to that, let me know. I have a seven day free trial that you can try that out and see if you like it. I absolutely love it and I listen to it every day. It is...

I do pick up my phone, but that is the first app that I turn on. It's not social media, it's not my emails. I'm not perfect, so I would say 88 % of the time I do not open any of those things. But I do open that app and it has been life changing. So number four is start your morning with intention. And number five, the last thing, is surround yourself with better mirrors. So...

What I mean by that is your environment reflects your self-belief. So you need to follow people who lift you up and not drain you. And this can be digitally on social media or just in real life surrounding yourself and spending time with women or men who build and not compare and set boundaries with anyone who fuels your doubt and protect

your peace and that space. So number one is that awareness. It's catch it in real time when it happens. Number two is ask would I say this to someone I love? Number three, create a go-to rewrite phrase like this is hard but I'm doing my best. I am learning as I go. Number four is start your morning with intention. Again, I do this with growth day. You can do this with something else.

Elyse Bushard (11:43.305)
Number five is surround yourself with better mirrors. So your environment reflects your self belief. It does, it truly fuels it and you need to be aware of who you surround yourself with and protect your boundaries, protect your space. Okay, so now that we've like figured out how to do it, I wanna talk about this

concept because you can actually disconnect yourself from your mistakes. We're human, right? We make mistakes. So let me say this again for the woman in the back who needs to hear it because I've already said it once in this episode. You are not your worst day. You are not your lowest moment and you're not the way on the scale or the email you forget to send.

That can be separated from the person that you are. You are becoming, you are learning, you are building something beautiful even if it's messy. And all of those things you just need to understand and remember that you can separate yourself. Like I am not the task that I complete. No matter how much I relate that to

the progress in my life, in my day, the person that I am and the heart that I have is not related to how many things I do or do not check off a list. And I use that example because that was even hard for me to say, honestly, because I relate to that so much because I love, I am a list checker offer, I love a good to do list.

And when I check everything off the list, you can bet I celebrate myself and I celebrate everything that I'm about because of that. like, apart from that, like if I don't end up getting a bunch done, it's hard. It's a hard hit to my ego. But like, I'm still a good person. I still tried my best. I still have an amazing heart. still like am a kind, unique.

Elyse Bushard (14:10.215)
There's no one like Elise. That's just an example, but one that I'm sure that some of you can relate to. talk to yourself like someone who is worth fighting for because you are. If you're listening to this, you are. And she's listening. Talk to yourself and train your brain.

to not think so negatively about yourself and stop it while it happens. Because it will happen, it happens, but like being aware of it and stopping in its tracks will make all the difference in your life. And yeah, like that's it. That's it for today's episode. But I wanna just...

throw this out there, you know I like to end on a reminder for the week or a challenge for the week. This one I just want a reminder because I want it to be like I'm coming through the screen and giving you a big hug. And that is words become beliefs. Beliefs shape your decisions and decisions build your life. And it literally all starts with

your self-talk, which you can control, which isn't that the most beautiful thing that you can control it, stop it and start it at any time? So if your inner voice right now, if I'm talking to you, isn't hyping you, encouraging you, or at least being kind, you don't need to try harder. And all you need to do, friends, is change the voice.

And I promise you, I promise you that when you start being aware of this and when your inner world starts to shift, everything on the outside follows. And that's the power of our self-talk. And the fact that we have the power over it is something I don't feel like it's talked about enough because you can change the world. I can change the world.

Elyse Bushard (16:37.914)
But it all starts with your self-belief and how you talk to yourself. I love you! This was a great episode. I love how I just gave myself kudos. I meant this was a great episode for me as well because I'm on a self-love, self-talk journey as well along with you. And I hope that it was a reset that your soul needed.

And if it was, let me know. Someone has texted me before, but no one has ever tagged me on social media. If you do listen to this podcast, tag me and let me know. Share it or send it to a woman in your life who's being way too hard on yourself and you know it. And you're trying to lift them up. And if you're ready, like,

To go deeper into habits, I'd love to chat with you too. My DMs are always open. You can text me too on this list and I get a notification in the show notes. yes, I love you guys. Thank you so much for listening and let's make it a great weekend. Happy Friday.