Let Them... And Let Yourself LIVE

In this episode of Hell Yes Habits, Elyse Bushard dives into the Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, exploring how to let go of the need for approval and control over others' perceptions. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, setting boundaries, and prioritizing personal peace. Elyse shares practical habits to adopt this mindset, encouraging listeners to embrace their individuality and stop chasing validation from others.

Takeaways

• The Let Them Theory encourages freedom from others' opinions.
• Letting go of control can lead to personal empowerment.
• Your emotional well-being is your responsibility, not others'.
• Setting boundaries is essential for protecting your peace.
• Self-honoring is more important than people-pleasing.
• You can choose to spend time with those who value you.
• It's okay to let others be who they are without your involvement.
• Resting without guilt is a form of self-care.
• You are not obligated to explain your choices to others.
• Embracing your uniqueness is a superpower.

#HellYesHabits #LetThemTheory #MelRobbins #PersonalGrowth

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:01.88)
Hello, hello. Do you like my singing? Hey friends, welcome back to Hell Yes Habits, the podcast that you know what we're here for. It's exactly here to help you just build a life you don't just tolerate, but you fricking love. That's what we're here for. It's a journey. I know we don't always love our lives, but that's what we're here for, to talk about that. And today,

I'm just gonna kind of dive into it mostly because I'm hungry and it's dinner time on a Friday and I wanna go eat. But also because I feel like this episode is a long time coming. I finished this book called The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. If you have not read this book, it needs to be read. And so,

when I'm referencing this theory, it is her theory and so I'm giving her credit for this, but I'm showing you how to apply it in a hell yes way. In the way that I took the book and my perspective. So, but if you have not gotten that book and read it or listened to it, I highly recommend listening to it and reading it at the same time. I'm one of those weird people.

But like, it is life changing. I'm just telling you, it's so simple. But essentially, we're just talking about how we can control and save our energy and honestly just protect our peace. And like I said, it's called the Let Them Theory made popular by Mel Robbins. And while it sounds simple,

Like I said, it's actually life changing when you let it click and when you start using it because it gives you freedom. so if you feel like you've been feeling drained by other people's opinions, pulled in a million different directions or just tired of trying to control everything and everyone, this episode is going to feel like just like a deep exhale for you.

Elyse Bushard (02:27.083)
just like when you read this book. But let's get into it. So what is the let them theory? If you're not familiar with it, you should also be following Mel Robbins. She's like literally amazing. Like Oprah loves her, if there's any Oprah lovers here, but like she's come up with so many different theories and simple concepts.

to help you be self-aware and just live life better. And so what is the let them theory though? Like I could go on and on about how much I love Mel Robbins, but the let them theory in short is if someone doesn't like you, let them. If someone excludes you, let them. If someone doesn't understand you, let them. And if someone wants to leave, let them.

Those are like some of the main things from the book. And the idea that it is that we spend way too much time, energy, emotional bandwidth, trying to control how people perceive us and trying to change outcomes, force connections, manage opinions. And honestly, it's exhausting. Like me just saying that I related to every piece of that.

and I felt exhausted because I've done all of those things. It's a full-time job and it has no paycheck or any benefit to you at all. So Mel Robbins says, what if we just let them? And I want to take it one step further because this is what I got from the book is that what if in letting them,

you actually just free yourself. And essentially in the book she calls this like, me, like let them do this and let me be more self-aware, like take action in the way that I want to take action. And this may sound like selfish, but let me get into this, because it's not actually selfish at all. And really, I wanna talk about,

Elyse Bushard (04:49.481)
the illusion of control. And here's the truth, is trying to manage other people's behavior is a control issue disguised as caring. And what I mean by this is we say, but I just want them to understand. I just want to fix it. I don't want them to think I'm a bad friend. And I get it, I've said all of those things.

especially as women, and the majority of people who listen to this probably are women, especially as people pleasers or people with people pleasing tendencies. I don't like to like identify as a people pleaser, but I do have people pleasing tendencies sometimes. And especially if you're a recovering perfectionist or an empath, you've probably spent years managing how other people feel.

But here is really a gut punch truth, is their reaction to anything isn't your responsibility. And the only responsibility that you have is your alignment. So you don't need to explain yourself into exhaustion about why you feel the way you do. You don't need to be more palatable or

accepting to other people and you don't need to chase, convince, over-apologize or prove your worth at any point in time in your life. And...

You just need to let them think what they're gonna think. Let them miss out on you and let them not get it. Because when you stop gripping so tightly to them, you finally get to hold on to you. And isn't that what we all want? We all wanna feel aligned in ourselves. We're all unique. There is no one like you in the world.

Elyse Bushard (07:01.45)
which is a superpower in my opinion. so when we're, when we stop gripping so tightly to other people and other people's reactions, emotions and everything, you finally get to hold on to you and what reigns true for you. So let me give you just a feel, a few, a feel, a few real life examples of this in action. Because I know this theory,

can sound very like passive, maybe selfish, or even just a little harsh. But trust me when I say it's not about giving up on people. It's about choosing you. so that friend, for instance, who didn't invite you to the thing, whatever the thing is, let her and let yourself spend time with people

who want to be with you and who see you for you. Or even spend time by yourself. I spend a lot of time by myself and sometimes I prefer that. And then I'm like, I'm I'm like, oh cool, they're over there doing that thing. Like I'm happy for them. And I get to go do this thing or I get to choose whatever the heck I want, even if it's that.

sitting on the couch and watching Love Island. P.S. if you love Love Island, DM me. Let's chat about who you think is gonna win. But, so that friend who didn't invite you to the thing, let her. Or that boss who doesn't acknowledge your hard work, let them. And let yourself advocate for your own growth. Or seek a space where you are valued, if that is something that you need.

I've been in multiple jobs that I stayed too long because I was afraid of letting them down when really I just needed to advocate for myself and seek a space where I do feel valued. And then there's also family, that family member who doesn't get your lifestyle, your business, your boundaries, whatever that is, let them.

Elyse Bushard (09:28.521)
Let yourself be the bold messy magical human you're here to be and be true to yourself but also not let like be aware of your emotions and your headspace when you let them into your life and Sometimes like family is family, right? We all have crazy family members We all have family members maybe that we don't gel with that are on a different path, but like

When I'm able to set up my boundaries with some of these family members and go into interacting with them in a positive mindset, I let them be who they are and use the tools in their toolbox to do whatever. And I let me still have fun and make memories with the other family that we might be with. And so that's another example.

Because here's the thing in all those examples, the more you let them be them, the more you leave space for you to be you. It's mind boggling. The more you let them be them, the more you get to be you. And who doesn't want to feel that? Like when you get to be you and you're confident and happy,

in who you are and make decisions for you and live life like the way that you want to, like magic happens. So those are examples again. And again, like I, you know I always like to tie this into some sort of habits, cause that's what we're here for, right? Hell yes, habits.

I'm calling this my hell yes habits to let go and live free I have these written down because I came up with them prior to this again this podcast episode was Months in the making because I finished that book a couple months ago I'm probably gonna read it again and have probably a lot more light bulb moments in my life, but You know that I'm all about the house so here are

Elyse Bushard (11:52.477)
like five hell yes habits to let you, to help you live the let them mindset. Number one is pause before you chase. So before you explain, back or spiral or overthink in my case, ask yourself, am I doing this from self trust or fear of disconnection? That's a big one.

I tend to overthink a lot and spiral, but if I wait until the next day, if it's something that I, or even an hour, if I just let it sink in, then you're more responding in a non-emotional way. And so that pause, however long it can be, maybe you have to answer them today, but like don't respond to them out of emotion and out of a place of fear.

or disconnection. Number two, write your own narrative. What would your day look like if you weren't worried about what they quote unquote might think? And start there, like ask yourself that question. Number three, build a let them mantra. So say it with me, let them think what they want, I know who I am.

Post it, repeat it, tattoo it on your heart. Because let them think what they want, I know who I am. That's why a bunch of people have been tattooing this let them theory on their, as a reminder. It's so basic, right? But it is so, it is so important to, to really like,

pause in every moment of your life where you start spiraling, where you start overthinking. Number four, protect your peace like it's your paycheck. Because really, it kinda is. Energy leaks equal burnout. So boundaries are your way of, your way back to alignment and what feels good. So you need to protect your peace.

Elyse Bushard (14:18.203)
There's also a book that I'm probably gonna start, I should probably do it before I read The Let Them Theory again. It's called Protect Your Peace by Trent Shelton and I'm really excited about that one. I think that I should just start reading that one. But regardless, if you're ever looking for book recommendations, I have a few that I can give you. And also, if you have any for me, I would love to hear it. So message me.

or DM me on Instagram. Number five, so okay, I've gone on rants. So number one is pause before you chase. Number two is write your own narrative. Number three is build a let them mantra, which is that let them think what they want, I know who I am. Number four is protect your peace like it's your paycheck. And the last one, number five, is replace people pleasing with self honoring.

And what I mean by that is asking yourself what would be the most loving thing I could do for me in this moment?

So yes, those are things, again, those aren't really habits, they're more of, well, they are habits, because they are things that we want to repeat. But it is more of like a think through this list when you find yourself in spots that you're overthinking. Number five, or number five, I already did number five. Woo! Okay. I was,

like reading off the thing. Now I'm going rogue. But.

Elyse Bushard (16:04.428)
Now that we've kind of talked about what the theory is, how we can put it into our routine, wanna, like here's the twist essentially that no one talks about, is let them isn't just about letting others be who they are. It's about letting yourself and giving yourself permission to be who you are too, because it leaves that space.

So let yourself rest without guilt. That's a big one for me. When I'm not doing something, I feel guilty because I know there are million things I could be doing. And let yourself say no without an explanation. I always try and find an explanation because I think that's what people want to hear instead of just saying no.

because I have something else planned or no, like I don't have space for that right now or no, like it can be vague. It doesn't have to be like, no, I'm sorry, like I'm doing all these things and then blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, like people don't actually need that. But I think they do because I feel bad that I'm not going. So that say no without explanation. Take up space.

in your life as well. Laugh out loud. Laugh too loud. Start over. Be misunderstood and be seen. Let yourself live fully, wildly, intentionally. You're not actually here to be everyone's cup of tea. You're not. I love that reel. I think it was a trend for a little bit. Again, I'm an older millennial so I see all my trends on

Instagram, not on TikTok. Not on the Tikitaki. I am on the Tikitaki, but I do, there's too many social media platforms and I do social media for a living. It's just too much. Anyway, but there was a trend going around that like, I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm a mimosa or I'm champagne or like, so you're here.

Elyse Bushard (18:28.675)
to be your own frickin' of whatever, fill in the blank. For me, that would be your own shot of whiskey. I don't take shots anymore though. So it'd have to be something, like a lemon drop? I don't know. But I do love whiskey and bourbon.

Elyse Bushard (18:57.143)
You need to, I lost my train of thought here. I'm really hungry. I mentioned that at the beginning. back to this. So essentially, you need to give yourself permission to be who you are. And when you let them, you also give yourself permission and space to let yourself live and be you.

I feel like is a key for me because if you're spending so much time focusing on what other people think, you are not able to leave space for you. That's it today, friends. And if this episode gave you that shit feeling, like you're like, my gosh, share it, tag me.

send it to the friend who needs to stop chasing people who don't see her or the one who needs permission to stop explaining and just be. And don't forget, when you start letting go of who you think you need to be, you finally are able to be who you are. Until next time, say let them to the noise and hell yes to your

Peace! I love you guys! Thank you guys! And shout out to my international listeners and local listeners. I love you all! Bye guys!