How to Stop Comparing Yourself to the Life You Thought You'd Have

In this episode of Hell Yes Habits, Elyse Bushard discusses the pressures of societal timelines and the detrimental effects of comparing ourselves to an idealized version of our past selves. She emphasizes the importance of self-belief and encourages listeners to embrace their unique journeys, free from the constraints of societal expectations. Elyse introduces a 'timeline detox' habit, urging listeners to question the origins of their pressures and to celebrate their current lives instead of mourning the ones they thought they would have.

Takeaways

• This podcast gives you permission to create a fulfilling life.
• It's about breaking out of autopilot and showing up for yourself.
• The pressure of timelines often comes from societal expectations.
• Comparison to our past selves can be more debilitating than comparing to others.
• You are not late; you are in progress.
• Believing in your current self is crucial for growth.
• Ask yourself who told you that you should be further by now.
• Celebrate the life you are building, not the one you thought you'd have.
• Your timeline is unique and should reflect your true desires.
• Let's burn these fake timelines together.

#HellYesHabits #Comparison #SelfBelief #Growth

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:06)
welcome to Hell Yes Habits. I'm Elyse, a marketing professional by day and your go-to coach for building the habits that create a life you can't wait to wake up to. I'm so glad you're here. This podcast is all about ditching the just fine mindset and making room for the magic in your everyday life. And let me tell you, this isn't just a podcast. It's the start of a movement, a Hell Yes Habits movement.

It's about breaking out of autopilot, showing up for yourself in ways that matter, and creating small but powerful habits that lead to a big, bold, hell yes kind of life. Each week, we'll have real, honest conversations about juggling all the things, career, relationships, family, and those moments when you just need you time. I'll share actionable tips, lessons from my own journey,

and inspiration to help you stop settling and start thriving, baby. You in?, let's do this.

Elyse Bushard (01:15)
Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to Helly Ass Habits. As I have told you again and again, this is the podcast that gives you goddamn permission to create a life that actually feels good for you and makes you have a Helly Ass life. I'm actually funnily sitting in my closet because my roommate is home and her dog keeps barking.

⁓ because I have the door closed and she feels left out. So, I'm in the closet. ⁓ Most people do actually record podcasts in the closet, but because the sound, like it absorbs sound, ⁓ but I feel like the mics on phones are just better. Also, side note, and rant, I got a new phone and ⁓ the new iPhone,

doesn't have the same plug-in so my mic that I bought specifically to work with this doesn't actually work with my phone so I have to get a new one but here we are or I might just record it like this because let's be honest I don't make money off of this and yeah I'm just here to build this helliest habit community and ⁓ I can't believe it but I'm like over 300 some downloads

I barely even advertise this and I just love how it's resonating with people and you guys come back week after week. I'm over 30 weeks in a row of recording this and I just, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening because it actually helps me to talk through things but also I want to help you and be relatable and talk about the real stuff that all of us are going through and feeling no matter what age we are.

⁓ I'm a millennial, like I feel like this some of these speak volumes to everyone every age and Basically Today diving into the topic we're calling out just one of the most exhausting soul crushing thoughts out there One of my side note one of my favorite or favorite

It is one of my favorites as well, but ⁓ one of the most popular episodes that's been listened to and downloaded ⁓ is about comparison. ⁓ And so this one kind of ties into comparison, but not comparison in a way that you would think. It's more comparison to and bringing ourselves down, not comparison to other people. And that is this notion and things

that go through our head saying, I should be further by now. So whether you're 28, 37 like me or 42, that thought just hits hard, right? And for a lot of us, no matter what age we are, what stage of life we're in, it's not about comparing ourselves to strangers online. It's about literally comparing ourselves to some version of ourselves we thought we'd be.

by now, for some reason, it was in our head. And even though it's natural to change and evolve and grow in life, ⁓ it's this notion that like we should be further now. And let's be honest, that version probably got married at the right time, quote unquote, had the babies on schedule, whatever the F that means.

checked the boxes, career, relationship, a house, a millionaire, whatever that was for you, stability, all before the age of 30 or 35 or whatever timeline we put in our head or society put in our head. But seriously, who made that BS timeline up? I just want to know. Like, because if you look at me, for example, like,

If you would have asked me in my 20s what I thought my life would look like right now, it was not even close to what it looks like right now. But I'm still grateful for it. I, and, but again, who made these timelines up? And I know that comes from various places. Like I'm sure you can source where this, I should be further by now timeline came up. Um, I also have a PS have a podcast about timelines. Um, I'm not.

really gonna get in too much about timelines, but somewhere along the line we were handed like this invisible checklist, right? And it could have come from family pressure, it could have come from society, media, your friends, people that you surround yourself with, and essentially, like you know the one, be married by 30, have the first kid by 32.

be settled, secure, successful, whatever that means, right? It's quote unquote successful. Stop being too much, but also be more productive, more maternal, more polished, more everything. And if your life doesn't actually match that made up roadmap, like cue the shame spiral, am I right? Like cue the I'm behind, quote unquote. But let me also,

let me ask you something and answer honestly, who are you behind? who? Who decided that was the right pace, the right order of things, the right life? And now I feel like we're more, a little more accepting, it depends on who you talk to, I guess, but we're a little more accepting as a society of like,

You don't have to get married before you have kids necessarily. Again, I'm talking about probably the majority, at least in my perspective. ⁓ But ⁓ because like I've met women, women, I'm sure there's women of like listening to this who are divorced at 30, 40 and starting over. And I've met women who just had their first baby at 40.

⁓ I've met women who never got married, ⁓ PS me, right now, and are living wildly fulfilled lives with purpose and adventure and peace. So again, who made these rules and why are we still playing by them? And here's the twist, honestly, because this pressure isn't just about

what other people are doing. I have a whole episode, it's episode three by the way, about comparison to other people and kind of working through that because I know that's a huge factor for everyone listening but ⁓ essentially this pressure isn't just about what other people are doing, it's about who you thought you would be. So it's like comparing the now version of you

to the now version of you that you thought you'd be. And that comparison, and that almost is more debilitating than comparing yourself to someone else in different aspects, because you're comparing yourself to some fantasy future version that quote unquote should exist by now. And when you don't see her in the mirror, you start doubting yourself and you think maybe

It's too late. Maybe you missed your moment. Maybe the dream just doesn't fit anymore. But I'm here to remind you and myself that it's not gone. That version of you, it still exists. And she's not mad at you. She's just waiting for you to believe in her again. That's all it takes is for you to believe it again.

Believe that you, in my case, believe that I'll find that person if I want that. I go back and forth, honestly. But believe that I will find that person and that is the other half of me, that it can be my best friend, that I can travel with. ⁓ Believe that I will be financially self-sufficient and not in debt, because currently I am.

to totally transparent, but believe these things can happen. Still, it doesn't matter what age you are and believe too that the person that you are looking at in the mirror is amazing. Believe those things. And let me be clear though, because you do not

build greatness in doubt. Nothing good ever happens in that feeling of, I should be somewhere else. I mean, think about it. Like whenever you're in a place of doubt, nothing good happens. You don't build confidence from shame and you definitely don't build a life you love from fear of missing some imaginary milestone. You build your dream life

by choosing stronger thoughts right now, today. And not when you lose weight at some fictitious time. This can apply to various things, not just being single and married. Like not when you lose weight, not when you're married, not when you're settled. You build it by saying, this version of me is exactly where she's meant to be. And not just saying that, but actually believing that.

and the life I want still wants me.

and

Again, I'm gonna repeat that because that felt good coming out of my mouth and things that I need to say to myself as well. This version of me is exactly where she's meant to be. The life I want still wants me.

Because friends, you're listening, you're my friends if you're listening, you're not late. No matter what age you are, you're just in progress. You're still living, you're still here. And holy hell, what a powerful place that is to be because you're not late and you're just a work in progress. You are and you need to believe that

That belief will get you through and that positivity, nothing good ever happens when you're in a place of doubt and where you are shaming yourself into like a spiral of doubt. So, you know, I got to tie in a habit. I mean, you're listening to hell yes habits. So what is this habit that I want us all to work on, including myself? It's a timeline detox, if you will.

And next time you feel the pressure of, or it's going through your mind, because I catch myself still, I'm like, well, I should be doing that. And next time you feel that pressure of like, I should be further, I want you to ask yourself in that moment, because it won't work if you like retrospect on it. But in that moment, who told me that? Does that even fit the life I want anymore?

Like, cause that's a big question, right? Because like for me in particular, if I'm walking through this and I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, well, I mean, I should be married. Who told me that? Who told me that I should be married? I did. Like years ago in my twenties, I should be married by now. ⁓ and does that even fit the life I want anymore? That second question.

Like, that's why I said I go back and forth. Like, I actually do not mind being single about 88 % of the time. And then there's that 12 % that sometimes I wish that I had someone next to me when I'm driving in a mountain drive or I'm dancing in the car or I'm having moments that I wish someone was there. But like, I'm pretty powerful, self-sufficient.

I also don't need a person. And so does that even fit the life I want anymore? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. I'm gonna live my life. And if someone comes to me that is like my other half, I'm gonna go with it. If not, it wasn't a part of my story. But I believe that like it will work out. And I'm saying this on a day that I feel really good. And again,

when it comes up that I feel these feelings of doubt, I will question who told me that and does it even fit the life I want anymore? And then the last question is what's one thing I can do today to move toward my version of success? So you first have to analyze like even if it is something that fits your life and if it is, then what's one thing I can do today to move toward

that version of success because it is something I want. Or maybe it isn't and then I just let that go, right? But like, like if it is something in that moment that I'm like, I'm like, I do want to find someone I should probably get out there. And no, I am not an online dating person. I think I've said it multiple times and I even have an episode on things you shouldn't say to a single person that I dive deeper into my

and hatred for online dating apps but ⁓ I don't even remember where I was going with that but because I just got angry at online dating apps ⁓ but like what's one thing you can do to move toward my version of success so ⁓ like what do you need to do to move for like I need to put myself out there okay I need to go to events

and put myself out of my comfort zone. need to do new life experiences, meet new people. That's what I need to do. If that is what I want, if I want to meet more people, your odds go up if you meet more people. ⁓ Again, that's my single life example, but this can apply to numerous things in your life as well. It can also apply to your weight. ⁓ If you look at

at yourself in the mirror and you are not like I should be less fat around my belly. I should weigh less. Like who told you that? First of all, like why can't you love your body now? And number two, does that fit the life I want anymore? Like if it does, like what are the actions I can take to lose weight? A lot of us know monitoring like

finding movement that brings you joy and that you can fit into your lifestyle realistically and then of course nutrition, fueling your body, like all of these things, like those are the actions you can take. ⁓ But also that's going to differ from whatever age you are, what your stage of life is in. Like I have a full-time job.

and I work from home and so, like, I have tried workout classes but like going to a workout class every day, that is not realistic for me. Working out at home, that is realistic for me. ⁓ So you just, again, that was another example other than me just focusing on the single life that like I feel like a lot of people can relate to. But you can do this with any timeline specific thing. You can ask these questions and work through it.

Because honestly, this is your life. It's not a Pinterest board. It's not your mom's expectations if your mom is putting pressure on you for some reason. And it's not society's made up checklist. It's not. And if your timeline looks different, that is good. That means you're actually living, not performing.

Like, it's... What do I wanna say? It is so hard, I know. this, but comparison is the thief of joy. That is the quote, right? But I think when someone made that, they were just talking about comparison to others. And I think it's so important. Like we can beat ourselves down all the time. Like I am my own worst critic and it's...

It's crazy, right? To think that you are stopping yourself from being the best version of yourself. That was a lot of yourselves, but like, isn't that crazy to think about? So friend, we're all friends here, like I said, let's stop mourning the life you thought you'd have by now. Let's just stop and start celebrating the one you're building.

no matter what age you are, the one, like this life that you're building, the one that's real, intentional, and full of hell yes moments, because you know that's what we're all about here. And if this episode hit you and you were like, ⁓ my gosh, it's like she's inside my house, screenshot it.

and tag me at Elise Bashard on Instagram, E-L-Y-S-E B-U-S-H-A-R-D, and share it, or on Facebook too, I'm on Facebook as well, and share it with women in your life who might be struggling with that same not far enough feeling. I guarantee it's everyone in your life has had that thought at one time or another or that pressure. And let's burn these fake timelines together.

Yeah? Until next time, friends, remember, you're not behind, you're becoming. And let's build our lives with love, with belief, and with habits that say hell-frickin'-yes. I love you guys. Thank you for listening.