Control the Controllables: Control What's Yours, Release the Rest

In this conversation, Elyse Bushard discusses the importance of recognizing what we can control in our lives, especially during chaotic and challenging times. She shares personal stories of hardship and emphasizes the significance of awareness and grounding practices to navigate life's difficulties. Elyse encourages listeners to focus on resilience and to create habits that support their emotional well-being.

Takeaways

• When life feels chaotic, ask yourself what you can control.
• Grounding yourself in what you can control helps reduce stress.
• Life can throw unexpected challenges, but we can control our reactions.
• Awareness of what we can and cannot control is crucial.
• Creating a grounding practice can help during overwhelming times.
• Resilience comes from defining what is ours to carry.
• You don't have to carry everything; just what's yours.
• It's okay to ask for support when going through hard times.
• Life is an ongoing journey of learning and growth.
• Creating habits can help us navigate life's challenges.

#HellYesHabits #Control #Awareness #GrowthMindset #Challenges #SelfImprovement

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:02)
When life feels chaotic, overwhelming, or like it's just too much, it's easy to spiral into stress, frustration, or helplessness. But there's one powerful question I've learned to ask that always brings me back to center. What can I actually control right now? Hello, I'm Elise Bichard. It is.

9.46 on a Friday. I am not missing a Friday. It means a lot to me to stay consistent with this. And I haven't been promoting this as much as I would like to, honestly. But I still am so grateful for the people who listen in. That was just a snippet of kind of our focus this week. And I bring it up because a lot

has been happening just like in my routine and varying up different aspects of my life right now and ⁓ changing my environment. I just got back from pet sitting and that was a different environment. And so my routine gets all of whack and I have to remind myself and ground myself of what I can control. I can't control that I'm outside of my house, but I can control.

not ordering a lot. I did order, but I didn't order as much as I normally would. So like it's give and take, right? But it's talking about like, again, I like to take you on the journey of when I'm going through something and when I'm experiencing something and how I'm navigating it because it comes up for me a lot recently and

different situations and relationships and work and everything. And when I ask myself this question, ⁓ what can I actually control right now? It grounds me in a way that it separates me from the things that I can't control and the things I can control. And let me show you what I mean because this, I...

of course, will give you actionable steps ⁓ in how you can apply this to your life. But I want to first start ⁓ essentially just diving in and defining what you can and can't control in hard seasons. But because it can actually be your lifeline, your compass, your anchor. Like I said, it grounds me.

So I want to start out with a story because I want you to and it's a real story. I'm not making up the story, but it's a story of what like a hard season in my life. I like before I started.

before I started Beachbody, which if you don't know, I was a Beachbody coach and then I turned into body and now the coaching program is no longer, I digress. But before that, I was in a season where I was literally just trying to find myself and it happened to be right after I had to put down within a year, a year to the month, not to the day exactly, but

to the month, I had to put down two of my corgis. I still miss them to this day. They were the first dogs that were actually mine in my life that, and believe me when I say I spent a lot of money on them, pet owners will get this, like, they were everything to me.

⁓ I went, they came to Nashville with me. I lived in Nashville for a year and they came to Nashville with me. So they were with me through a lot of different seasons where I didn't know myself. I was trying to find myself. ⁓ I moved to Nashville because I wanted to pursue a career, but more than that, I think I needed that experience just away from my family, away from my normal. ⁓

I ended up right back where I started, but I would say that during that time I really found myself. It was a new environment and ⁓ I grew a lot ⁓ because I knew for a fact that I needed and wanted to be home, like back in Colorado, ⁓ from that experience, which I wouldn't have known.

otherwise and I also became very close with my friend Ashley who about a year after I moved back from Nashville, she was actually a friend from Colorado, we really became close in Nashville and two years or a year

after I had moved back to Colorado. She was still in Nashville. She actually committed suicide. And so all of these things happened within, I would say, a three or four year timeframe. And I bring all of this up, one, to just point out that

to point out that I am a real person. I have gone through a lot of hardships as I'm sure all of you have gone through a of hardships, but also that life can just throw you curve balls all the time, right? And I always like to say, or I don't like to say, but I point out that I'm like, what happened here? It's like one thing after another happens.

whether it's like the span of a week or the span of a day like it it happens and it is it's crazy ⁓

But what I really am telling you the story of is I realized going through those things all in a row and those hardships, weren't consecutively after the other, but they were within a three- or four-year span. life...

I can't control certain things that happen in my life and happen to me, but I can control my reaction to it and how I get through it and what I learn from it. And I say that knowing that when you're going through things like that, when you're going through hardships like that, it's hard to see that silver lining, right?

like that you're gonna learn something from it, but I can say now looking back that I learned so many things from each of those situations and ⁓ that learning opportunity ⁓ is something that I realized that like I can control. I can control how I react, what I get from situations and how I grow from them. And

The key point here, as I ramble on about this, is we try to control outcomes, other people, timing, and even emotions, when the only thing that we can truly control is how we show up, how we respond, and how we take care of ourselves during or after whatever happens. And so that's the first piece, right?

The second piece of this is awareness. And awareness is actually like one of the things that I'm realizing is very important is how self-aware you are about like how you are in certain situations and also like what you are aware of, like what you see and your perspective of that.

⁓ And so if you think about it this way, when life gets hard, ⁓ and I know it gets hard for everyone, ⁓ asking yourself two questions is, what can I control in this situation? And what can't I control no matter how much I try?

Defining and being aware of those two things in a hard situation can help you just navigate everything because then you're aware of things not to put so much energy into. ⁓ For example, you can't control whether someone else understands your boundaries when you say no to something, when you ⁓ put up your guard. ⁓

but you can control whether you hold your boundaries. And another example is you can't control unexpected grief or loss. Like I couldn't control the sudden ⁓ loss to my friend to suicide. I couldn't control that. I wanted to in the moment, right? I wanted to know the reason why I wanted to do that, but...

you can't control that. And I can't control losing my dogs. When I had to put them down, it was literally the hardest decision I've had to do. And I can't control that. But I can control in both of those scenarios how I let myself feel it and who I ask for support from.

⁓ And I am the worst at this. I will own up to this is that when I'm going through something hard I'm getting better at it ⁓ But when I am going through something hard, I tend to internalize it. I don't like talking about it with other people I don't like and it's crazy because if the side is reversed like I want to help people so like I I

like if a friend is going through something hard, I want to know so I can help them. And what's crazy is like, I was like, I'm not letting other people do that for me because I'm internalizing it and I'm not letting them know how I feel. So I've become a lot better at just telling people how I feel in my perspective when I feel it. Because again, people don't know what you don't tell them.

I have a whole episode on this whole thing, because it was like a realization that I had like a year ago. And I say it now, I swear, like once a month, because it comes up that often. ⁓ But okay, so you can't control unexpected grief or loss. You can't control the chaos of the world. We can't control the fact, I'm not gonna go like politics on you, but we can't control what's going on there.

can't. But you can control things like your morning routine to center yourself, your breath, your anything that you're inputting or consuming, you can control that. ⁓ Outside of the chaos of the world of politics of everything that's going on. So that's that's that's part two.

kind of of this is awareness. Part three here is about controlling the controllables. And that's a mouthful, I know. ⁓ But it's essentially when you're experiencing a hardship or something, you create a short like grounding practice when you feel overwhelmed.

And this can help you become aware and they all feed off each other, right? So you pause, you name one thing you're trying to control that you can't, that's the awareness piece as well, and you name two things you can control right now and you do one of them. ⁓ So whether that is validating your feelings or telling someone how you feel.

or it depends on what the situation is, but you pause, you name one thing you're trying to control that you can't because that's the weirdest piece, right? Because then you can like separate that, if that makes sense, from what you can control. And then you name two things you can control. Cause it's crazy, but like we can always control our thoughts or feelings or boundaries.

our dreams, our goals, and how it applies to any situation. ⁓ And so you name those two things that you can control right now and you do one of them in whatever situation that is. So... ⁓

Yeah, like that one, I feel like it kind of groups everything together that I've kind of ⁓ talked about. The other part of this that I want to chat about is about like a complete mindset shift. It's not just about controlling what you can or cannot control. It's trying to control everything is actually resistance.

and defining what you can control is resilience. And we want the resilience feeling. The resistance feeling is something that we feel like blocked, essentially. ⁓ And defining what you can control is like resilience. It's like a release. So when we define what's ours to carry, we stop wasting energy. So that's where

perseverance is born. Not from like white knuckling life or anything like that but from clarity and aligned action.

A quote that kind of ties into this that I wrote down ⁓ is that you don't have to carry everything, just what's yours. So what I mean by that is like when you define what is yours to carry and that is by separating what you can and cannot control, you stop wasting that energy to carry everything.

So you don't have to carry everything, just what's yours to carry, what you can control. And don't ask me who quoted that because it was just a quote that I found online and it was said unknown. You know those like quotes. Anyway. ⁓ But I know I go through this, right? And you're like, great Elise, like.

I still struggle with this and that helps me a little bit.

I wanna be transparent too, that like.

Life is gonna keep life-ing, if you will. It's gonna keep giving you, throwing you curveballs that you're not ready for. ⁓ But so are you. You're still here, you're still trying, and that alone is proof of your strength. So I want you to remember that when everything feels shaky,

I want you to come back to pause, be aware of what you can and cannot control because

basically what's mine to carry, like basically asking yourself what's mine to carry today and what's not and what's one small thing I can do to honor myself right now. And I say this again, like we're all going through a bunch of things and

I want you to know that like, you're not alone in this. It is crazy to me that ⁓ it's taken me 37 years to, well it's like an ongoing thing. Like this isn't something that like is black or white. Like you learn one day and then you're done. This is ongoing. ⁓ It's ongoing because life is hard. ⁓

And I say that again with sympathy ⁓ because controlling the controllables and uncontrollables, you can't control the uncontrollables. And if you pause and breathe and define what's yours to carry,

and then take one small step from that place, not in panic or pressure, but like power, because you know that like this is what you can and cannot control. Like just knowing that gives you your power back.

And yeah, ⁓ that was kind of it. But like, I think this is such a powerful message. It is something that I feel like if this resonated with you, like share it with someone who's who you know is feeling stretched too thin or who's going through a hard time. And if it hit home for you, send me a DM. I would love I would love.

to hear any takeaways that you had, any ways that you are controlling the controllable in your life. Again, that's such a mouthful. But yeah, I, again, I will be releasing these every Friday, even if it's at 10 o'clock at night on Friday and I'm exhausted. But I love doing this.

I never thought I would, but here I am, episode 20, I think this is 25. yeah, so I am here for you, friends, and I want this to be just a tool in your tool belt to think about a new perspective. ⁓ That is the goal of my podcast, is to challenge you.

⁓ to think in different ways, ⁓ but also to be there for you, because I get it. I get it that life is hard and I told a little bit of my story in here. ⁓ I'll try to do that a little bit more just so you can get to know me. ⁓ Instead of just talking at you, I want to talk with you. I want it to be like we're sitting across from each other even though right now I'm sitting on my bed ⁓ getting ready for bed.

watching the Nuggets. The Denver Nuggets are in the playoffs and I am a big fan. But side note, and also Happy Friday. Happy, happy, let's get this movement going, this Hallease Habit Movement. That's what this is for. And I'm gonna stop rambling, but I hope you're having a great week.

And until next time, let's create holy ass habits for a holy ass life. Bye friends.