A New Way to Think About Confidence

In this episode of Hell Yes Habits, Elyse Bushard explores the concept of confidence, challenging the traditional notion that it is tied to self-belief. Instead, she emphasizes that confidence stems from the willingness to try, regardless of one's current feelings of self-worth. Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, Elyse provides listeners with actionable habits to build confidence, such as celebrating small wins and embracing failure as part of the growth process. The episode encourages listeners to separate their self-worth from their confidence and to take action even when they feel unprepared.

Takeaways

• Confidence isn't about believing in yourself, it's about your willingness to try.
• You can still be confident even when you're not feeling your best.
• Confidence comes from taking action, not just believing you can do something.
• Micro wins are essential for building confidence.
• Celebrate the effort, not just the outcome.
• Set a goal to intentionally fail more often to build resilience.
• Your worth is not determined by external validation.
• It's okay to feel unprepared; just start anyway.
• The journey of trying is more important than the destination.
• You were made for more than your self-doubt.

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#HellYesHabits #Confidence #Try #SelfBelief #SelfWorth #Confident 

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:01)
Hello, hello, what the heck is up? Welcome back to Hell Yes Habits. This is coming at you late. I'm late to the party this week. I'm gonna be honest with you. Getting this out on a Friday, it's like 6.42 and I'm recording this, but I'm trying to focus on the fact that I am still getting it done and I'm still being consistent here, even if it's late in the evening on a Friday. My week has just been crazy.

personally and at work and so I am just playing catch up but I'm so happy it's the weekend. TGIF and TGIW, I don't know why it's TGIF, like aren't we all like wanting the weekend so like we still have to get through Friday when we say TGIF. Anyway, that was a random tangent but

I want to just dive in today. The podcast episode, Inspiration, if you want to call it that, came from actually a quote that I heard on the You've Heard Me Talk About It numerous times, the Growth Day app that I listen to every day. And this concept, it like blew my mind. I listened to the training like,

three times and I was like, my gosh, I resonated with it. I was like, I have to record a podcast for it. So here we are. But today we're talking about, I know I have like a few more episodes that kind of dabble in confidence, but I really want to dabble like in dive deep a little more about a massive myth about confidence that blew my mind this week. So I'm hoping that it helps you and it blows your mind as well.

And so it was this quote, I'm gonna repeat it a couple times. Confidence isn't about believing in yourself, it's just your willingness to try. Confidence isn't about believing in yourself, it's just your willingness to try. I know, I know, every motivational poster in your high school gym said believe in yourself and.

you can do anything and tides that self-belief and self-worth to your confidence. But let's be honest, what if you don't believe in yourself in the moment? Does that mean you're just not gonna move forward? Like what if you're sitting here thinking, yeah, no, I'm barely holding it together so I can't try today. But here's the good news that we actually have the power

to still be confident in times that we still aren't feeling our best. Because confidence isn't actually about feeling ready to do something, it's about being willing to just show up and try anyway and fail forward. once this concept hit, again, this concept is new to me. I'm 37 and this is a brand new concept to me.

because I always tied it to how I was feeling. And so it's a game changer. So today we're just gonna break down why separating confidence from your self-belief is like the secret to actually feeling confidence. And it's not because you never fail, but it's because you're out here getting your reps in and failing forward, like I said. So don't worry though.

I'm giving you, of course, I'm gonna break it down, give you three practical, hell yes habits to make this like, willingness to try quote unquote thing feel doable for you. Like even on the days where you like, are just not feeling yourself feeling it, or weeks, or even months, I go months sometimes and I'm not like feeling my best and things like that but like.

you still need to put the reps in and here's why. So picture this. I'm gonna paint a picture here about like, just that confidence and self-belief are not, like they don't equal each other. if, well, I'm gonna tie in, I was gonna tie in an example, but I'm gonna tie in this example instead.

I used to actually work in production and volunteers at events. A lot of people don't know that about me, if you didn't know me like 10, nine years ago, for like big events, like award shows, mostly in country music. I did dabble in some rock music as well, but mostly country music. was kind of all tied together. People knew each other. I lived in Nashville for a year. So,

Like, when I was at those events, I loved working those events, by the way, the people that I met there, and I'm not just talking celebrities, celebrities are cool, right? They're people, but like, they're very cool. And the moments that I like paused and like soaked it all in, was like, I can't believe that I'm here with these amazing artists. But it was more the people that I worked with. But if you're

like in a situation like that and you're like, why the hell, like I don't deserve to be here. Like why the hell am I here? Like, and again, things are moving a million miles per hour in production, but also like everyone else around you just looks like, cause you're comparing, you're human. So you're comparing yourself to everyone. And a lot of the events that I did were actually run by volunteers and things like that.

I had a stipend so I was technically not an employee but a contractor-ish. But anyways, it was a lot of volunteers. then backstage there's agents, managers. They all look like they have been doing this for years. They're just like... And the key was to always look like you belonged. Don't make... Because if it changed on your face...

that you didn't know where you were going or anything, you would get stopped by security, you would get, and sometimes credentials were a mess, all of these things. But I digress because essentially everyone else looks like they were born for this. And basically I was just hoping, my first couple events, that no one figures out I have no idea what I'm doing. I was just told to stand here and...

guard a door or check credentials or all the things. Did I believe though that I belonged there when I was there? Absolutely not. Especially the first couple times. There was events that I repeated year after year, so again, putting in reps, right? But did I believe I belonged there the first couple times? Absolutely not. But I showed up. I stood where I was supposed to. I was willing to try.

And even when my brain was absorbing it and looking all around, and it was serving a full menu of self-doubt in my head, I still showed up and I stood there. Or I did whatever I needed to do to be a part of the team and put in those reps. And here's the thing, I didn't get everything right all the time. Sometimes I made mistakes.

sometimes because it's so high stress in that industry that sometimes I got yelled at and it wasn't necessarily because it was something that I did either. It was just such a high stress situation. And so like I would second guess myself all the time, but every time I tried and year after year when I repeated events, some events I did like four or five years,

I got a little better. And confidence, though, it doesn't show up magically. I built it. Like, I empowered myself to have confidence in those situations. And year after year, then I was leading other people who were new. Like, that's how it works. You put in the reps and you build it by being willing to take action just over and over again. That willingness to try. So,

That was an in-depth example, but if you're waiting to feel perfectly ready for something before you start, let me just save you some time because that's not possible and you'll be waiting forever. So confidence comes from the doing part, not the believing. It doesn't come from sitting and believing you can do something. It literally comes from the action part of you doing the thing.

So let's dive in just a little deeper of why tying confidence to your self-worth will just mess you up. So in the concept of like when you think that your confidence or your self-worth or like self-belief, self-worth is a little bit different than self-belief, but they usually are intertwined in the same language.

So it depends on how worthy you feel to either be in a situation, to be with people, to... And every mistake you make becomes a personal thing. Instead of, messed up, it turns into, I am a mess. And no one needs that energy. It's kind of like when you post an amazing selfie.

and then it gets three likes on social media. I hate using social media as an example, but people can relate to it. Like you are feeling amazing, you posted this picture and maybe just not everyone was online when you posted it. Like there's numerous reasons why it couldn't do good. The fricking algorithm, I work in marketing and the fricking algorithm that they keep changing, it drives all of us crazy. But.

Like when you get three legs, are you suddenly unworthy then of love and affection? No. Like Instagram's algorithm just changed or your friends weren't online then. And so it didn't go through their feed. They had no idea you posted it. So like, here's the truth. Your worth is not like on trial ever. You're already worthy and there's no gold stars or

other things that externally that you need or that are required. Confidence is just that willingness to try again, even if you face plant or fail the first time. And honestly, let's be real, thinking you'll feel 100 % ready before you'll start, that is like waiting for the perfect time.

to clean your closet. And I'm looking at my closet right now and I could use some cleaning. But it's never coming. And you've just got to start. You have to take, like I have to take, I know what I have to do in my closet. I've just been putting it off. But I know it'll make me feel better and I just have to act, right? You just have to start. You just have to try. So as always, I'm gonna break it down in just like,

three, let's call it hell yes habits to build willingness to try confidence. because basically you're probably asking me, well great, I know they're not related now, but how do I build this kind of confidence? Like how do I put the reps in? And again, these are gonna be generals, because I want you to be able to relate them to your life right now.

number one is micro wins are your BFF. So stop thinking that you need to make giant leaps. Big moves are actually overwhelming and instead aim for micro wins, tiny brave actions. I've talked about this numerous times, but that is how you build confidence is through action and trying. Like if you're scared to speak up in a meeting and this one resonates with me because it's happened to me very recently.

Like start by sharing one idea or asking one question and not being afraid to do it, even if it slows people down. and if you want to launch a business, you tell a friend your idea first, small ideas, small, not ideas, small actions build big confidence without the meltdown, essentially.

So that's number one, micro wins are your BFF. Number two, celebrate the try and not the trophy. So reframe your success essentially. So it's not about the outcome, it's about the attempt. So did you send a bold email today? That's a win. Did you sign up for a class that intimidates you by yourself? Another win.

we're clapping for that effort, not the perfect end of the rainbow results. Because the more you try, the easier it gets, and that's how you build confidence. And number three is set a failure quota. This is gonna sound weird, and it's fun, but it's weird. So set a goal to collect more failures. And I mean, yes, intentionally,

try things that might not work for you. because like really the people who succeed and the people that you look up to, they're not the ones who never fail. They're actually the ones who fail most. The more reps they get in and the more confident they become because the more reps that you get in, the more confident you become. see, so think of it like

building muscle. If you're not a little sore, you're not growing at all.

So number one is micro wins are your BFF, focus on those little wins. Number two is celebrate the try and not the trophy. celebrate the number of times you try new things or try things that scare you and make you feel uncomfortable. And number three is set a failure quota.

And really, I, let's see, I wanted to also tie in just like more of a personal story, but I kind of did that already with my experience at events. So I mean, I wish I could tell you though that I always had this mindset, but this was new to me this week. And now I'm...

reframing the way I'm approaching things and it's brought awareness to the way that I am. And the fact that I can separate those is like a superpower. Because for years, I thought if I didn't feel 100 % sure, it meant I wasn't cut out for something. And the reality is there's so many things I wasn't ready for that I did anyway.

like starting a podcast, I had no clue what I was doing. If you were here at the beginning, thank you for still being here. I sky dove in Australia, I just did it. And definitely not in my confident days. It was my 22nd birthday and I did it. But I tried and I survived. And more than that, I grew. But it doesn't have to be all of these massive things or changes or shifts.

It can actually just be putting yourself in the uncomfortable and then just trying, trying to ask questions in an uncomfortable meeting. And if I had waited though to feel confident before I started the podcast, I'd still be waiting. That's why I waited an entire year before I did it. And then I was like,

What am I doing? Like, I've wanted to do this. I'm just gonna try. And I failed multiple times. My first episode, I talked for like over 30 minutes and forgot to push the Forgot to put, if I could talk, be great. Forgot to push the record button. So like, but here I am and I'm what, 19 episodes in, I think, 18, 19? 18.

I don't know, I'll have to look, I'll let you know. But it's amazing what just trying gets you to. And now I'm putting in the reps in this podcast, for example. But here's your takeaway. I want it to be something that you can take away and implement in your life. just remember that confidence isn't about believing you're ready, it's about

being willing to try even when you feel like a hot mess express. So, and I'm giving you a challenge. What's one thing you've been putting off in your life because you don't feel confident in it? Whatever it is, first of all, share it with me on Instagram. Please DM me, let me know. And try it this week and tell me how it goes. Even if it's messy,

Even if it's awkward, like all of my experiences that I've shared with you, they were all messy and awkward before they got easier and easier. And the only way that they got easier is because I put in the reps. And that's how you build confidence. It's such a simple concept that I wish I had known like 10 years ago. And yeah, but DM me about it because I want to be your personal hype squad.

And if you're ready to build these hell yes habits consistently, go check out Growth Day. That's where the inspiration for this post came from. I can send you a link for a free trial also if you reach out to me. I can also drop it in the show notes, but it's literally my favorite tool for building the mindset and habits that help you show up even when you don't feel ready. So that

I listen to every day, but also thank you. Thank you for listening to my podcast. But that's it for today. And keep trying though. Keep failing forward and remember that you were fricking made for more and your confidence is not tied to your self worth or self belief. And when you separate those, chefs kiss like.

I know why I just said that because I'm not eating, although I'm hungry. But when you separate those, it's life changing. But until next time, keep saying hell yes to the life you deserve. Love you guys, bye.