Finding Your Happy With No One Else Required

In this episode of Hell Yes Habits, Elyse Bushard explores the importance of finding happiness within ourselves rather than seeking external validation. She emphasizes the need for ownership of our joy and provides practical steps to cultivate happiness through gratitude, purposeful action, and self-trust. Elyse encourages listeners to engage in activities that bring them joy without needing approval from others and to create daily habits that foster a positive mindset.

Takeaways

• Finding your own happiness without waiting for someone else's approval.
• Happiness is cultivated through habits, mindset, and daily experiences.
• Gratitude helps in recognizing the good in our lives.
• Purposeful action aligns with our values and brings joy.
• Self-trust allows us to handle life's ups and downs without external reassurance.
• Do something just for you, no audience required.
• Give yourself the validation you're waiting for.
• Create a hell yes habit that brings you joy.
• Your happiness doesn't have to be justified or approved by others.
• You were made for more joy and happiness.

#HellYesHabits #FindYourHappy #Happiness #Joy #Mindset

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:00)
Hello, hello Welcome back to the hell yes habits podcast. I'm Elyse your host so if you're new here I'm basically your host your hype woman and Just your reminder that you're made for more when I was thinking about the podcast episode topic I was actually stuck until painting a picture for you right now. Just took a shower. It is about eight o'clock

on Thursday night, so at least it's the day before because tomorrow I'm not going to be here so I knew I needed to record it tonight. But I was just on the phone with my mother and talking about the podcast episode and it did not come to me until I realized what I was talking to her. I talked to her while I went on for a walk outside and

I was talking about happiness and how I think it's crazy sometimes that my happiness, I give other people the power of my happiness. So anyways, that's what triggered this for me, that I felt like if I needed to hear this, you need to hear it. That's what we're at and all about here. So today we're talking about something, again, that so many of us struggle with.

finding your own happiness without waiting for someone else's approval, validation, or permission. I'm saying that again. Finding our own happiness without waiting for someone else's approval, validation, or permission. So if you've ever caught yourself thinking, for example, I'll be happy when, or I just need them to see my worth first before I do something, this episode is for you.

Because here's the truth, your happiness, it's yours. It's not something that has to be earned, proven, or granted by someone else. And I talked about last week, if you haven't checked out last week's podcast about the power of your thoughts, this kind of ties into that, but it's a little bit different. And I want to give you things that are tactical as well as just...

information about why we are this way, because there is like a science behind it as well. It's like essentially why we seek validation to start out with is we're human. So it's wired into us to seek connection and approval. Like back in the day, being a part of a group literally meant survival for humans. So in today's world,

This can show up in ways that don't serve us at all, like waiting for someone to tell us we're doing a good job before we believe it actually ourselves. And I'm not really talking about borrowing belief and doing it anyway, because you're actually acting in that sense. So like if you borrow belief from a coach or a mentor or someone in your life that is showing you the way essentially,

and they believe in you more right now, but you're still taking the action because a part of you knows that it can be possible, that's different. What I'm talking about is literally waiting and not acting at all and waiting for someone else to validate us before we even act. So think about social media, for instance. I say social media like it's a bad thing.

It's used in a bad way, but it can be very positive. I also work for a marketing agency. So I advocate hard for brand awareness and the power of social media and connection. I think that it's a great platform if it's used correctly. But how many times, and I'm guilty of this myself, have you posted something only to check back to see how many likes or comments you got?

Heck, I work and run social media for clients. And that's what we measure things by because that equals awareness and people liking our content. And so it's used as this measurement. But the problem is if we go, we keep checking back to get this validation, even though we maybe felt good about what we post personally. Now I'm stepping back to like.

personally what you post. The problem is that validation is fleeting and it's external. And when we rely on it too much, we give all of our power away. And so I want you to ask yourself right now, where in my life am I waiting for permission to be happy?

That social media example is something I know we all can relate to. I'm guilty of that. But there's a lot of things in life that are bigger that what are we waiting for and where in your life are you waiting for permission to be happy? Maybe it's your career, your body image, your relationship status, or even something as simple as enjoying a hobby just because you love it.

not because it makes sense to anyone else or even like starting a side hustle for a job that people don't understand. I told people I was scared to tell people I was starting this podcast and here we are 17 episodes in and I'm a podcaster and I own that. like also like I was scared to start it for over a year because I was scared of what other people thought even though I knew in my heart of hearts like

I liked this platform. wanted to build a community. I wanted to help others in a way with my voice that was also helping me. But I held back on it because even though I didn't act and even though I wanted to do it, I let people have that power over me. Now, no one was saying anything to me. I was just keeping it inside.

Again, I let them have that power over me even though I was creating this narrative in my head about it. So let's break it down though. What actually creates happiness? So if validation isn't the answer, then what is? It's actually ownership. Ownership of your joy, your choices, and how you show up for yourself daily. Because happiness isn't just something we achieve, quote unquote.

It's like once we hit a milestone. It's something actually we cultivate through our habits, our mindset, and all of our daily experiences that we happen. That's what happiness creates. It's not some external thing. Yes, we can be happy when we achieve a goal, but we could also be happy when we don't achieve the goal. It's that power and that mindset shift. So.

A few things that science and real life show us actually create happiness, if you will. So, gratitude. So the simple act of noticing what's good in your life right now and pausing for it. Every night before I go to bed, personally, I think of three things I'm grateful for. I actually have an app that I use. If you're interested in that, I can send you a link for a free

a free 7 day trial, side note. But I have an app that prompts me to do that so I can think of three, you can also do this just laying in your bed, think of three things. It helps me to process it and write it down or type it out on my phone. And then I can go back to things I was grateful for, like it's like a journal entry on my phone digitally. But.

So that's one of the things is gratitude. Another one is purposeful action. So what I mean by that is doing things that align with your values, whether or not anyone else gets it. So making a decision or not making a decision, like not going to something because it doesn't align with your values, that can make you feel great inside and happy because you feel more aligned.

And then the third thing is self-trust, which means knowing you can handle all life's ups and downs without needing outside reassurance every step of the way. And so those are three things, gratitude, purposeful action, and self-trust. So when we stop though outsourcing happiness and start owning it is when we can move from

from reacting to life to creating it. And what I mean by that is the happiness is inside you. It's not like you're asking for someone else to validate your experiences, your choices, et cetera. So how do we do that? I'm sure you're like, great Elise. You are telling me how to be like,

or what causes happiness, but I did give you a few little tips that I use personally. But you know here, I like to break it down and give you just simple ways to build happiness. And here's three ways that I've found that bring me joy. They're pretty general, because I want you to fit in your personal touches, because what works for me is not necessarily going to work for you.

So here's three ways you can start finding joy on your own terms like right now today. Number one is do something just for you, no audience required. So what's something you love but have been hesitant to do because it's not productive or not impressive quote unquote. Like dance in your kitchen, paint, try a new recipe. I personally love cooking.

Like do it and don't document it. You don't need to put it on social media or you don't need to like text someone that you're gonna go do it. Just go do it and enjoy it for the sake of just enjoying it. That's number one. Number two is give yourself the validation you're waiting for. And what I mean by that is instead of waiting for a boss, a partner,

or Instagram to tell you you're doing great, tell yourself you're doing great. Celebrate and pause and celebrate your own wins and look in the mirror and say, I'm proud of myself. It might feel weird at first. Also, there's this thing called the High Five Habit Challenge. Mel Robbins is like one of my favorite people on the planet Earth. So if you want more on this,

I know it can be awkward at first, but I did this high five habit challenge and I'm telling you, it was life changing. It should be something that's repeated because I kind of forgot all the principles of it, but I know that the basic thing is you high five yourself in the mirror for a certain number of days and say you're proud of yourself. But over time, it actually rewires your brain when you do something like that to trust.

in yourself. And so that number two thing is give yourself validation, the validation you are waiting for. Number three, and the last thing is create a hell yes habit. You knew I was gonna throw habits in here. I've got to like this is something small, but it's also something meaningful that makes you feel alive every day.

Maybe it's a morning walk with your favorite music a dance party in the kitchen like I said before a five-minute journaling practice Listening to your favorite podcast or power song you blast when you need a mood shift I do this a lot in the car Mostly to 90s 2000s hip-hop but whatever it is. Let it be a daily reminder that you

don't need anyone else's permission to be good, to feel good, to be good. You don't need anyone else's permission to feel good. So yes, create a hell yes habit. Things like, it can be something so small that is a part of your day every day. And it doesn't have to be this grand old thing.

It doesn't even have to be every day, although I do recommend something every day, something. Even if it's five minutes outside, listening again to a new book for five minutes. Something that makes you happy that you repeat. consistency is what is gonna be that.

reminder and also help rewire your brain like I said in step two. So three simple ways to build happiness without that validation. Number one, do something just for you, no audience required. Number two, give yourself the validation you're waiting for. And number three, create that hell yes habit baby. Like here's what I want you like in closing.

Here's what I want you to remember. Your happiness is yours. It is 100 % yours. It doesn't have to be justified or proved or liked by anyone else. And the more you take ownership of it, like the more that I actively and purposefully and intentionally, my word of the year is intentional, so I try and use it more often. The more you take ownership of it,

like the more unshakable it becomes and you'll be happier. And who doesn't want to be happier? Like I ask you, like who doesn't want to be happier? When I'm happy, like I want to shout it from the rooftops. I'm smiling. Like it's, it shifts everything and we only get like a certain amount of days here on the earth.

And so I challenge you this week do one thing that brings you joy without needing an audience or approval and That means you're not gonna post it on social media to get approval and this comes from someone who posts stuff on social media a Lot if you don't follow me, please follow me. It'd be great. And also if you listen to this side note

tag me in whatever you loved about episodes, you're loving Helly Ass Habits. The only way that this podcast gets viewed by people and now it's getting viewed internationally is by you guys word of mouth. But I would love to hear what you're finding interesting, even what you're finding not interesting. I'm open to any and all feedback. But.

My challenge to you this week is do one thing that brings you joy without needing an audience or approval. And if you loved this episode, like I said, share it with a friend. That is also my challenge for you. Send the link to a friend wherever you listen to it. Spotify, Apple, Amazon, whatever. I'm on all the platforms. Share it with a friend who needs this reminder for happiness too, because we want to spread the joy here at Helly Ass Habits.

And just remember also that you were made for more. And that includes more joy and happiness, more peace, and more hell yes moments. I'll see you next time. Thank you.