A Tough Love Wake-Up Call: How to Talk to Yourself Like You Would a Friend

In this episode of Hell Yes Habits, Elyse Bushard emphasizes the importance of self-talk and self-love as foundational elements for personal growth. She encourages listeners to break free from negative self-criticism and to treat themselves with the same kindness they would offer a friend. The episode includes practical tips for flipping negative thoughts into positive affirmations and challenges listeners to become their own hype person. Elyse concludes by reinforcing that self-love is a daily practice that goes beyond superficial acts of self-care.

Takeaways

• If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to yourself.
• The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.
• Self-criticism can lead to self-destruction.
• You have the power to change your inner dialogue.
• Treat yourself with the same kindness you offer others.
• Self-love is about daily actions, not just occasional self-care.
• You can hold yourself accountable without being cruel.
• Flipping negative thoughts can empower you.
• Be your own hype woman; you can't always rely on others.
• Self-love is a year-round commitment, not just for February.

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:01)
Welcome back to Hell Yes Habits. This will be episode 15. No, 14. If I can count, it's 14 or 15. And this is actually the final episode of our February series. So if you're listening in real time, this is the last episode. I did like a spotlight on Val.

like non-conventional Valentine's Day episodes and topics. And so if you haven't listened to all of those, feel free to go back to the previous three as well. Once again, they're all about topics that are just unconventional types of love. And for example, what not to say to a single girl, romancing your own life and being the own character in your own life.

in various topics. Today though, I just wanted to be a short and sweet episode. I know I usually say that and they're not because I tend to ramble. But if you are listening to this in real time, I'm recording this at night time, which usually I don't do. So if I sound different, that's why. But I'm also testing things out and seeing which days, my weeks are so crazy, but I'm seeing which days

resonate most with people in which days I have energy to pour into this podcast and because I want this podcast to be a Come with me type of thing, but I also want this podcast to be for you And so like I said this episode We're getting real. It's it's more of a tough love episode and No sugar coating because if you truly

want to build a life that makes you say hell yes, which is that's what we're all about here, you have to start with how you talk to yourself. And to start this out, let me ask you something. Would you ever talk to your best friend the way that you talk to yourself? And what I mean is when you're going through a rough time,

Would you ever say the things that you say to yourself? We tend to be our hardest critics. I definitely am my hardest critic. And I never, but I never would say any of the things that I say to myself when I'm going through a rough time to any of the people that I love. So the way you criticize doubt and tear yourself down.

Is it something that you would ever say to a friend? And if the answer is no, then it's time for a serious shift because that's not self-discipline, that's actually self-destruction and it's very bad for you to keep talking negatively to yourself. So first to break it down, I want to talk about the power of your own voice.

Because here's the deal, the most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. You're the only person you're gonna spend 24 hours, 365 days a year, and however many 525,600 minutes, as the song says, in a year that you're the only one and that you need to nurture that relationship.

need to treat yourself well. And if you ever thought...

of any words that you say to yourself. It all matters, whether it's inside your head or it's saying it out loud. And yet most of us speak to ourselves like we're our own worst enemy.

And for example, let's say your friend came to you feeling like a failure because she didn't stick to her, let's say, workout plan this week. Would you tell her she's lazy, useless, that she'll never get it right? Like, why even try? No. You'd probably remind her that she's human. And that one off week, it doesn't define her.

and that she can always start again. He, she, if we're talking to a man friend or whoever we're talking to, we would give them grace. So why do we not give ourselves grace? Because when I skip a workout, for example, or when you skip a workout, suddenly in my head I'm like, I'm so weak. I never followed through. Why do I even try? And it derails you.

Like those were very short sentences, but they are so demeaning to your confidence, to your progress, and you're not letting your own self be human because that inner voice, the one that like it shapes your entire life. If you constantly tell yourself you're not good enough, guess what? Your brain will go and start to find reasons why

you're not good enough and reasons why you should believe it. And when you believe it, you act like it. You act as a product of that.

So what can we do? What can we do? We can flip the script. Now, I'm not saying you need to stand in your mirror chanting positive affirmations, although that does work, but it doesn't work for everyone. And you definitely don't need to say things in the mirror to yourself or just in the car to yourself that you don't actually believe about yourself, because that's just...

telling yourself a lie. I am saying though that you need to catch yourself in those moments of self-criticism and ask yourself, would I say this to a friend? And if not, we need to rewrite that. We need to train our brain to think something different. So for example, instead of, I suck at this, say I'm learning.

and it's okay not to be perfect right now. Another one is, I'll never get my life together. And you can flip that one and rewrite it to, I'm figuring things out step by step, just like everyone else. So it's not about being fake positive. I am literally like not telling you to not feel your feelings and

because that is also what will get you through is affirming your feelings and being aware of the way you're feeling. But I am telling you that you need to shift and retrain your brain and it takes a little bit. Like I still catch myself. This week I've had on and off days and side note, think it's something with my hormones or my health and I am

trying to figure that out. But I also know that I have the power to think whatever I want. So when I'm feeling off and I have to dig deeper to realize the why and then reframe that why. So again, it's not about being fake positive. Like you don't say I feel great when you don't feel great. And don't say you're fine if you're not fine.

It's about being real and kind to yourself and flipping that script.

And shifting a little bit, let's chat about something about, like you hear this word, hype. But I wanna talk about your inner hype woman. so as an example, you know that friend who hypes you up no matter what and who reminds you that you're a badass even when you forget? It's time for you.

to be that person for yourself. Cause guess what? The person that you're probably thinking of that you love being around because she lifts you up, she sees the positive in everything, she can't be there all the time. So what happens when she's not there? Again, you're the person you spend 365 days, seven days a week with however many hours are in a day.

24 hours in a day, wow, that was a mind blank. I was about to say 12 and that is wrong. Wow, okay, 24, this is what happens when I do this late at night. 24 hours in a day, seven days a week, you're the person, you have to be able to be your own hype woman and you have to be that person for yourself.

Because again, you can't always rely on someone else to pick you up. Sometimes you have to be the one that says, get up, we've got work to do, and reshift that. And listen though, it isn't about letting yourself off the hook. You can hold yourself accountable without beating yourself up. Because real love, it includes honesty, but it doesn't include

include being cruel to yourself.

So putting that all together, your challenge for the week, you know how I like to do this at the end. And I'm actually putting this to myself as well, because as I just was very transparent with you, I'm going through it right now. I think it's something health related as well, but I still have the power to shift my mindset. And so for the next week, you and me are gonna commit.

to treating yourself like your own best friend. And when you catch yourself talking down on yourself, I want you to pause, be aware of what just happened, be aware of how you felt after you said it to yourself, and then flip the script. Flip it and choose words that empower instead of words that defeat.

And an example of that again is I'll never get my life together. And flipping that would be I'm figuring things out step by step just like everyone else. Or I suck at this. I'm learning, I'm a beginner, and it's okay not to be perfect.

Here's the truth. If you wouldn't say it to your best friend, you sure as hell shouldn't say it to yourself. That is the tough love truth. You should not say it to yourself. And when I say friend to, replace that with someone special in your life who's seeking advice and is going through it right now. Would you ever say that to your best friend, family member, insert blank?

someone who really means a lot to you.

You just shouldn't because again, you shouldn't say it to yourself because it perpetuates this cycle of like you're just hammering your confidence down. You're hammering everything down. And if again, if you wouldn't say it to a friend, like give yourself a break, give yourself some love as well. We all need love. Life is hard.

very hard and we all deserve grace and it's okay to push yourself but it is not okay while you're going through it to put yourself down and again show yourself some love it's the end of love month but I think that we should celebrate a love year and really perpetuate this into the year

But that is a wrap on my February series. If you like this, like I'll do this every now and then when I can think of a theme, honestly. But I thought it would be fun in conjunction with everything that is going on in the month, but also just like my twist on it and make it align with Helly Ass Habits.

But I really hope this series helped you see that self-love isn't just bubble baths and self-care Sundays and all the things that are hashtag trending right now. It's how you show up for yourself every damn day. So just go out there and talk to yourself with love, respect, and encouragement because you deserve it and you were made for more.

and it's time you start speaking to yourself like you believe it. I'll see you next week, friends. Until then, keep building those hell yes habits and share this with a friend who needs it. The only way that this podcast grows is when you tell people about it and send them the link or share it in your Instagram stories if it resonated and tagged me.

at Elise Fish Art. I'd love to hear what resonated, what you're using, all the above. Bye friends.