A What NOT to Say to Your Single Friends Guide (Month of LOVE FebYOUary Series)

In this episode of Hell Yes Habits, Elyse Bushard discusses the challenges and misconceptions surrounding singlehood, especially during Valentine's Day. She highlights the cringiest comments often made to single friends and offers empowering alternatives to support them. The conversation emphasizes the importance of living life fully as a single person and reframing societal pressures around relationships.

Takeaways

• Being single can be empowering and fulfilling.
• Avoid asking single friends why they are single.
• Celebrate independence and high standards in dating.
• Support single friends by asking about their joys and interests.
• Being self-sufficient should be celebrated, not criticized.
• Life is not a race; everyone has their own timeline.
• Singlehood is not a waiting room for real life.
• Empathy and understanding are key in conversations about relationships.
• Encourage single friends without imposing societal expectations.
• Living life fully can lead to meaningful connections.

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#singlelife #singlehood #relationships #selfimprovement #datingadvice #HellYesHabits

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:01)
Let's be real guys, being single can be amazing. I say this as a single person myself, but sometimes the comments people make, not so much. In this episode of Hell Yes Habits, welcome back. In this episode, we're diving into the cringiest, most frustrating and straight up annoying things people say to their single friends.

If you're listening to this in real time, it is Valentine's Day. It is love day. Yesterday and today were a Galentine's Day. Single awareness day is today. If you go out and you see all the couples together. Anyways, I used to hate Valentine's Day. Now I've just become accustomed to it. And it's more of a just...

Reason to love on the people you love I just call it love day I think Valentine's Day is very commercialized and if you disagree with me I mean just go look outside and in the stores right now where there's guys getting last-minute flowers and candy and all these things When really in my mind you're supposed to show love to people you love all the time not just on one day

So I know a lot of couples too that don't actually celebrate Valentine's Day and I mean more power to them again. I'm single but If it was Valentine's Day and I was with someone yeah, maybe I would want a flower But I don't need like this extravagant thing on this day when everyone else is celebrating. It just feels inauthentic to me anyway, I Could go on forever on this tangent on Valentine's Day, but happy love day

guys, happy love week if you're listening to this. In the next couple days, Valentine's Day will be over. And most likely you are because once again, I'm last minute in recording this at 6 p.m. But it's earlier than last week, so we're making strides. Like I said, in this episode, we're gonna dive into just the things that you should not be saying to your single friends.

And if you're single, you'll be nodding along with me. If you're not, just take notes. Just take notes, mental notes, or if you're a pen to paper person, write them down. Because whether you're thriving in your independence, healing from a heartbreak and you're single, or you're just waiting for the right person, this episode is for you. And if you have single friends,

This will help you be a better friend. So let's get into this. Things you should never say to a single person. And this is all coming with love, but I have heard every single one of these things that I'm going to list from various people in my life, strangers and people who just need to mind their own business, AKA strangers. But first, the first one.

Why are you single? Like, why are you single? And my answer to this is, I don't know. Maybe because I have standards. Maybe because I don't want to settle for mediocrity. Maybe because I refuse to go on another hinge date where a guy tells me he usually doesn't date girls over 30.

There's so many things. Or you're just going back and forth on a frickin' dating app. If you follow me on social media, I posted a couple funny things this week leading up to this episode. And I'm gonna post some more reels too, like repost them, because I've posted a lot of things just that are relatable about being single. But this one, why are you still single? Do they want me to answer, I don't know, there's something wrong with me.

The question assumes that being single is a problem to be solved rather than my choice or just a current chapter in my life. Let's say you just broke up with someone and you happen to be single. Instead, let's try something like instead of why are you single? What have you been enjoying about life lately? Like you can shift things, right? You can shift things. There's small to me.

But like the why are you single question, veto, okay? Just never say it to your single friends, your single family members, your single anyone, because it literally makes them reframe it like single is a problem. And it's not. Like let's go to 2025. We're in year 2025 now, and being single is not a problem. Number two.

That was a long one. But number two, you're too picky. I've gotten that before. Translation is you should lower your standards. Absolutely not. Why would you tell someone in a relationship to just settle if they weren't happy? No. Like, would you ever tell someone that? Like, if they were in a relationship that was not making them happy?

then why is it okay to tell a single person that? Just because we're not in a relationship, it doesn't mean that we have lower standards, that we need to lower our standards so we can meet someone. It just means that we know what we want. So instead, how about celebrating the fact that we know what we want and just reminding yourself that dating with intention

is a flex. It's not a flaw. It's not something that we should be punished for or looked down upon because we're quote unquote too picky. So never say that. Number three, you just need to put yourself out there more.

And in this online dating world that we live in right now, that one infuriates me because yes, we need to put ourselves out there more, but the dating apps are not the answer for everyone. I do know friends that have met their significant other, have a kid, and are dating or met on a dating app. But

this vague statement of you just need to put yourself out there more. What does that mean? Do you think I'm not trying if I want to meet someone and that isn't even that's assuming that someone wants to meet someone to fulfill their lives. If they don't, then what does that even mean? Like, am I supposed to like stand outside waving a wife material sign and

broadcasting that I'm single to everyone and everywhere I meet because I have been on the freaking apps. I have gone out on some dates, but sometimes and for a long period of time, I didn't even get off the freaking apps because it wasn't even worth it. And sometimes I just want to focus on my life without constantly being told

I need to look for someone. If I want to look for someone, yes, I do need to go do more activities specific to my interests, but also that's more about me and less about meeting people. Like my intention is about growing myself and in that, I will then meet someone.

So instead of saying you just need to put yourself out there or that vague statement, maybe ask what's been making you happy lately? You know, since our whole personality is not our relationship status. It just isn't. It isn't. You can tell I'm really passionate about this topic, but it's because I've been hearing it all the time and it's so important.

that like this general statement of you just need to put yourself out there more. It's something that you like, it's very vague. And so like, you have to find out what does that person want? Like, do they want to meet someone or do they not? You're just assuming that they do and they're not even trying. And that assumption, you know, when you assume stuff, it makes the ass out of you and me.

but more you if you're saying this shit. Woo! Okay. Number four. Have you tried whatever dating app? Have you tried it? Have you tried the apps? And I love when this comes from people who met their sweetheart like in high school and have no idea what it's like on dating apps.

Like they have no idea what the hell is out there. I just put a reel out that like is like, my God, they should call dating apps what's left. Cause that's true. All of them, all of them could be combined together and say what, and just be called what's left. Because that's how I feel when I go on there. But yes.

We have tried them. To answer the question, have you tried insert whatever dating app? Yes, we have. We've all tried them. And let's be real. They're mostly just a carousel of hey messages, gym selfies, and dudes holding fricking fish. I mean, what is with the fish? Like I'm all about being outdoors. Hey, I'm from Colorado, right? But the fish.

What, why do I care if you can go fishing? Do you, like maybe I would go if I can do something else, but like, like, like, are you flexing your manhood? I'm not sure what you're doing by holding a Anyways, but instead was asking, have you tried, of, instead, if you really want to be helpful, like set us up with someone great in your life that you know is single.

a family member, a friend, or better yet, just let us live out our lives with unsolicited dating advice. Because unless I'm asking you for advice and presenting this as a problem, like I don't need a solution from you. And yes, I have tried. When I've wanted to find someone, I've tried the things. But like,

It's not up to you to solve it. It's not a problem to solve. Number five, where are you? This is, you'll find someone, I'm taking a deep breath because this one, like this one resonates. You'll find someone when you least expect it. gosh. It's like rainbows and butterflies just came out someone's butt when you say that.

it's, it's basically saying, so should I just stop expecting it? What's the strategy here? Like, what are we, this is one of those like well-meaning comments that makes it sound like we're supposed to pretend like we don't want to love in order to get it. Like a weird dating reverse psychology trick.

And instead, if they are looking for someone, if someone is single and looking for someone, just say something like, you deserve someone amazing. Then you're just supporting them, right? You're not saying this fictitious thing that is a dream. You'll find someone to least expect it. No, you deserve someone amazing.

and that comes from a place of support. There's no conditions, no timelines, there's just support from you. Number six, maybe you should try not being so independent. This one hurts me, like it's like a punch in the gut, because basically you're saying to someone, so being self-sufficient is a bad thing.

Like as a woman being self-sufficient is a bad thing and independence in women, societally is also still viewed to this day, 2025 as like a bad thing. But should I just fake this like helplessness, this damsel in distress thing to attract a man like I need help? Like this is 2025 guys. We pay our own bills, we build our own lives and

I am and you are if you're single and your single friends are whole without a partner. If someone's intimidated by independence, that's a them problem. Let them and let me find someone who supports my independence. Whoo, that one was good. Also,

If you haven't read the let them theory by Mel Robbins, you need to do that because it talks specifically about that principle and It's it's just a must read. I'm gonna read that book over again. It was Phenomenal and it only took me like two and a half weeks to read which I'm not a huge reader and it was it was just very good. number seven the last quote or last statement that

and question that you should never ask a single person is, aren't you worried about running out of time? Time, like the internal clocks that us women face to have babies, like we already have these pressures of our body changing hormonally and all of this. We need an extra pressure of not finding someone at the right time.

Again, if you haven't listened to my previous episode in this February series, Y-O-U series, I know I'm genius. This February series, if you haven't listened to that, that one's all about timelines. But excuse me, like when you ask a question like, aren't you worried about running out of time? It's like, excuse me, but time for what? Life? Success?

joy because we're all doing just fine. A single people are doing just fine. This kind of comment is especially frustrating for millennial women who are trying to constantly be reminded of some invisible deadline for love, marriage, kids, all those things. And life isn't a race and everyone's timeline looks different.

period. Shut the gate. Period.

So you're like, great, here's all the things I shouldn't say, right? Like what are some things I can say? And I did give you some options of alternatives in those, but in general, what you can do is what to say instead is if you want to support your single friends, try these things instead. What's something you're excited about right now? How's life been treating you?

Tell me about your latest win. I love seeing you happy. What's been bringing you joy lately? Those are things that you are supporting them. You're not questioning why they're single. You're trying to learn more about them and in turn, you're supporting them and their goals and who they are as a human being.

right now in the decisions they're making regardless of if they're single or not. And then just regular conversation, of course, is good. That doesn't have to do with relationships and being single. And also know that us single people, we're here to support you in your relationships as well. Like, I do have times in my life when I feel down because I see

some people in my life a lot happier and I wish I had that person. Like we all have insecurities and moments that we think these things, but that does not mean that I don't love and support all of my friends, my family, people who have found love. They actually give me hope that there is someone out there when I do find someone. And so...

Like, just know though that like when you're thinking about asking, like questions to single people, it doesn't always have to be about relationships and it can be about them and their goal. They're a lot more than their significant other, just like your friends who are in a couple are a lot more than their significant other. So it's just important that we understand that we're

us single people, they're more than our relationship status. And we have passions, goals, and full lives, whether we're single or we're not. And then what's most important is at the end of the day, I know that was a lot, but like also very important things because I feel like it's not talked about enough. And really,

At the end of the day, being single isn't a waiting room for real life. I just want to say that. not, I personally am not single waiting around for Prince Charming. I'm living my life. And I find that when I go out and live my life and try new things that I want to do, it puts me in front of new people who maybe

I will have a connection with or they'll know a single friend or they'll know someone that is like it's just important to connect with like and meet new people. So for my fellow single ladies out there, you don't owe anyone an explanation for why you're single and you don't need

to justify your standards in any way. You're exactly where you're meant to be. And if you have single friends, just love them. Love them where they are on this love day that we're at. And there's no weird comments necessary. There's no need to ask any of the questions that I went through today.

And there's a way to reframe it so you're not accusing them for living their life. Because I can tell you, being 37 now, I don't have room for people who don't support my lifestyle and what I'm doing and my unique decisions in life. And I know, too, and some days it's harder to believe it, but I know as a single person, the like,

My story is meant to be where it's at right now and I'm proud of where it's at right now and all the experiences that have led me here. So, yes, I know that was a lot. Feel free to rewind fast forward. If this episode made you laugh or even cringe if you're single or you know you've said that to a single friend, I'm sorry I did call you out, but...

Share this with a friend and if you've heard or been told something even worse and you're single, let me know. I want to hear the best and worst single life comments you've gotten. I love this community and what it's grown into so far. I'm only on the 13th episode and I...

am excited about what the future holds of this Hell Yes Habit community. So I'm just going to leave you with one last thing. And I think I said it before. Again, I kind of don't remember what I say. also, note, don't listen to these episodes again because I can't, I don't like hearing the sound of my voice, but maybe that'll change.

later on down the road but you get what you get here and if you're still around thank you so much. And if you're single and I'm saying this to myself too, being single isn't a flaw, it's a vibe. And so if you're single put that on a sticky note and put it on your mirror and if you're not and you have single friends just remember that you're there to support them.

and I hope this can be used as a tool for you to do that. Love you guys!