A Hell Yes Habit: Start Living Your Own Damn Timeline (Month of LOVE FebYOUary Series)

In this episode of Hell Yes Habits, Elyse Bushard discusses the societal pressures surrounding life milestones and the feeling of being 'behind' in life. She emphasizes the importance of defining one's own path and timeline, rather than adhering to societal expectations. Elyse shares personal experiences and practical steps to help listeners overcome feelings of inadequacy and embrace their unique journeys. The episode encourages self-acceptance, celebrating individuality, and taking small actions towards personal goals.

Takeaways

• You're not behind; you're on your own timeline.
• Question societal expectations and who set them.
• Define what a 'hell yes life' means for you.
• Let go of comparison; it harms your happiness.
• Celebrate your unique experiences and journey.
• Life is not a race; focus on your path.
• Seek inspiration from those who forge their own paths.
• Your happiness is not tied to others' timelines.
• Take small actions towards your goals.
• Give yourself permission to live authentically.

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#selfimprovement #personalgrowth #happiness #HellYesHabits #mindset

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:06)
welcome to Hell Yes Habits. I'm Elise, a marketing professional by day and your go-to coach for building the habits that create a life you can't wait to wake up to. I'm so glad you're here. This podcast is all about ditching the just fine mindset and making room for the magic in your everyday life. And let me tell you, this isn't just a podcast. It's the start of a movement, a Hell Yes Habits movement.

It's about breaking out of autopilot, showing up for yourself in ways that matter, and creating small but powerful habits that lead to a big, bold, hell yes kind of life. Each week, we'll have real, honest conversations about juggling all the things, career, relationships, family, and those moments when you just need you time. I'll share actionable tips, lessons from my own journey,

and inspiration to help you stop settling and start thriving, baby. You in?, let's do this.

Elyse Bushard (01:17)
Have you ever felt like you're behind in life? Like everyone else is hitting major milestones like marriage, kids, dream job. Well, you're over here just trying to figure it all out. Guess what? I'm here to tell you you're not behind. Hello again, it's Helly Ass Habits. I started that one out a little bit differently, but I wanted to get right to the topic because I'm actually, I planned out the episodes, but.

Today's episode in Elise fashion is being recorded last minute. In fact, this is probably the latest I've ever recorded. And I just was busy all day and had a hard time focusing on work for some reason. I don't know. It was like I had a squirrel brain or something. And so here I am. It's seven o'clock and I'm recording this podcast for you. But here I am. I'm not missing a Friday. I've committed to that. And

This will be my 12th episode. So, kudos to me. We all need to celebrate ourselves more. I'm proud of myself for that. this topic came up, and actually all the topics this month have a theme. It is the month of love. It's February. It's a shorter month. But I wanted to come on here and talk about topics other than love because

If you know me, and if you don't, hi, my name is Elise. And the majority of you, I'm sure, know me, have followed me on social media that listen to this. But also I was looking at, P.S., I was looking at stats of my podcast, and there are places in the world, even globally, that my podcast is reaching. thank you to everyone who's starting to listen to this.

It really works to be consistent, but also I just thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for being here. But back to the topic, the theme of the month, instead of talking about love and relationships, because actually I don't know much about love and relationships firsthand, other than counseling and helping friends through different things. But I wanted to focus on the things that like

struggle with this month and also things that like society puts on us and that brings me to this topic because basically who made up these timelines and the answer is society, societal pressures and things like that but who is this that is telling me I need to be married at a certain age and I need to have kids at a certain age and

Because guess what? No one is behind. And this feeling of being behind, I've had multiple times in my life, multiple phases in my life, and I'm just done. I'm calling a BS on society's so-called timeline and reclaiming my right, your life right, blah, blah, your right to live life on our own damn.

terms and our own damn timeline. I'm sharing my personal journey also and what it feels like I'm going to tie in what it feels like I am single. I'm also child free in my 30s and the questions that used to make me cringe and in the moment I realized I was actually happy without following the script.

and I'll go over what I mean by that, but if you've ever questioned your past or wondered if you're too late for something, this episode is for you. because I want to give you some tools and mindset tricks that I'm currently using. And it's not because I have it perfect. I still struggle with this. I feel like it's around us all the time, but

Let me first tie in why this topic. And let's just start with something I've already talked about is that society has programmed us to believe that there's a right, quote unquote, way to do life. And we grew up hearing the same story. Go to school, get a bachelor's degree, get married, buy a house, have kids, live happily ever after.

us millennials especially, if you're a millennial listening to this, that is what we grew up with. didn't even second guess that I was going to college, for instance. It's just something that happens. I graduated from high school, I applied to college. It was pushed on us. And something like that is another example of outside of marriage and kids and those type of things. But...

Like what happens when your life doesn't follow that script? I'm an example of that. Like I said, I'm 37. I am not married. I haven't really honestly been in a long term relationship ever. I think that's the first time I've said that out loud. And I don't have kids. But my life is still fulfilling.

I still like, it's like what happens when you wake up at 30, 35, 37 and you realize you're on a completely different path than society says you're supposed to be. For years though, like in my 20s, I let this imagery, imaginary imagery, if I could talk, it would help. It's seven o'clock though and my brain was already mushed this morning.

Here we are. For years, I let this imaginary timeline stress me out. And I compared myself to friends who were hitting those traditional timelines. And of course, it's in our DNA, it's human to compare ourselves to others. In fact, PS, I have an episode all about how to stop comparing yourself to others. I think that's episode three. It is my most popular episode, PS.

So if you wanna go back and listen to that and you haven't, feel free to do so. But when I felt like friends were hitting those traditional milestones and I felt like I was missing out on something, one day I just asked myself, and this didn't happen until my 30s. So I mean, I just stopped and asked myself, do I even want those things? Because we can decide what we do and do not want.

Like that's the amazing power that we have as an individual. And another question that I ask is, or am I just chasing them because I feel like I'm supposed to? Like, is it something like this pressure, this subconscious pressure that I'm looking at all of these things, but do I actually want them? And.

Those two questions changed everything. Do I even want those things? And am I just chasing them because I feel like I'm supposed to? As I touched on, I'm single, I have no kids by choice, or it just hasn't happened for me yet. I learned, and this was very recently, that when people are asking you things like,

If you're sitting at a family gathering and you're surrounded by all your married cousins, I have a lot of cousins, by the way. I'm very close with a lot of my cousins on my dad's side, but he's one of nine kids. So I actually don't know all of my cousins. They all have repopulated. And they all have, I like, have second and third cousins that sometimes when we get together, I meet them for the first time. I'm like, we're, all related.

But when you're surrounded by that and you're surrounded by people who are married, have kids, their kids have kids, it kept coming to me and people kept asking me, so when are you gonna meet someone? When are you gonna settle down? And it then posed the reverse question of me like,

What's wrong with me? Why haven't I met someone? And essentially, that's basically what they were asking me that I inferred from them just asking that question. But it wasn't, I heard it multiple times. And for some reason, just recently, it hit differently and I laughed it off. And, but.

inside, like it tears you apart. And you have to feel like you have to justify your life and your decisions to this person who asked you this question, this curious question. But like, it was like I needed an excuse for why I was single, why I don't have kids, why I wasn't following the same path as my family member or some of my friends. And

You can, like questions like, like that was a simple question and I just spiraled, right? And it is an insecurity of mine. It for sure is. It's something that like I have thought about, but like someone else asking it, then you realize other people are noticing it and it becomes a bigger thing. And then you just start like, am I, is there something wrong with me? Am I too picky? Should I settled for?

ex-ex boyfriend or girlfriend. But here's where things shifted for me, and this was just recently. Instead of letting those thoughts control me, I asked myself a new question. asked, do I actually want what they have? Am I happy in my current situation? And for the first time,

I would say just in the past couple years, so when I was 35, I realized that my life wasn't lacking. It was just different. Like I wasn't missing out on something. And let's get real. Let's talk about this whole concept of timelines and the truth about timelines is like,

you need to have your life figured out by 30 thing. It's complete BS nonsense. The idea that you have to hit a certain milestone at a specific age when everyone's life is different and we're supposed to all, like we're all unique, it's quite outdated, it's unrealistic, and quite frankly, it is so damaging to mental health.

and insecurities that people already have. Some people find love at 22. Others find love, get divorced, and find it again at 50. And some people have kids young. Others never have them at all. And some people build their dream career in their 20s. And others pivot three, four times before finally finding their passion in their 50s. There is no

quote unquote right timeline. And the pressure to follow one comes from these external expectations from family, from social media, from outdated cultural norms. But just because a path is common and what other people are doing, it doesn't mean that's right for you. I have this quote and I'm actually gonna get up and

Look at it, I have this quote on a frame in our house and it actually says, do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. I'll say it one more time. Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

we have that right next to our TV. actually, side note, found that in Steamboat and I loved it and I bought it. but, Steamboat Colorado, by the way, at this little shop. but it's so important like to forge our own path. And what I started to do.

Instead of looking just around me, as I started seeking out stories of people, like this also helped with the shift, is I started also seeking out people who lived on their own terms. Things that I was inspired by. So women who traveled the world instead of settling down. Entrepreneurs who built their dreams later in life. Like maybe they started out in a corporate world and it wasn't for them and they moved.

over to be an entrepreneur. People who found love at 50, the more I looked for those things of people forging their own path, the more I realized there are infinite ways to live a meaningful life. And guess what? None of them involves being quote unquote behind. No one's behind. So

How though? I'm sure you're like, great Elise, this is great. I've been struggling with this in different aspects of my life. And again, I'm not just talking to the single ladies. I might be a single lady, but all of my friends, family members have all also struggled with this, with this idea that you feel behind because of this idea in our heads.

I feel like millennials were the first ones to kind of start this, like forging our own path, being okay to be single in our 30s, divorcing because we're not happy and quitting our jobs when we're not happy. And I feel like because we grew up like needing to be like,

in a situation where you have to go to college. Like it's just expected. Like being in this expectation, like I'm proud of our generation for shifting math, but also like we still struggle with it. Like it's still part of us because we grew up the way. Anyways, I could get into a bunch of generational things, but so I'm sure you're like, great, great. I'm struggling with this, but how, how can I do this?

And in true hell yes habits fashion on this podcast. I like to give you just like some steps and So if you've been struggling with the feeling of feeling behind Here's what I want you to do and think about Question the timeline ask yourself who told you that you're behind? Most likely it's it's you or it could be a family member

or a friend that brought it up to you, but it's you that spirals out in that insecurity thing. And then where did that belief come from? And most of the time we're holding on to expectations that were never even ours to begin with. They were something that was ingrained in us when we were younger. So that's number one. Question the timeline. Who told you that?

and where did the belief come from? Question number two is, or thought process number two, is define your version of a hell yes life. And I say this phrase over and over again, hell yes habits for a hell yes life, but what actually excites you? If marriage and kids are a part of that, that's amazing. If not, that's also amazing.

And the goal isn't to reject these traditional milestones, right? It's to make sure you're chasing what actually lights you up and not someone else and not society, but what lights you up. So define your version of a hell yes life. And number three is let go of comparison. This is easier said than done. But also every time you catch yourself,

thinking someone else's life is ahead of yours. This happens a lot on social media, especially with the doom scroll. And you're scrolling and you're like, their life is so perfect, but I'm not doing that. Why am I not doing that? It's okay to ask yourself questions, but also ask yourself the right questions. And instead of comparing yourself to someone, look at them for inspiration. Start following accounts of people that are a couple steps ahead of you.

that you know that you can reach what they have as well because they make it relatable. There's a bunch of accounts that I follow now that I'm like, I'm gonna get there. Especially podcasts, like I started this podcast 12 episodes ago and here I am. But I follow podcasts that have grown to like millions of subscribers because I know and I believe that I can get there. And...

This is basically just to remind yourself that life is not a race when you do this. You're not competing against someone else. You're competing only against yourself and someone else's timeline has nothing to do with your happiness. I'm going to repeat that. Someone else's timeline has nothing to do with your happiness. So that's number three. Let go of that comparison piece. Number four is celebrate where you are.

girl right now. I say girl, if I have guys listening to this, celebrate where you are right now. Instead of thinking about what's missing, think about what's present. What parts of your life are making you feel alive right now? And if there isn't anything, you're lying, because there's something that makes you want to get up during the day. There's something that you love about your life and that makes you feel alive.

What are you proud of? What experiences have you had that others haven't? All of these things make you unique and you should be proud of that.

Number five, the last thing is make a move no matter how small. And I've talked about the power of small actions, small consistent actions, but this also applies that if you want to change, like if there's something you do want to change in your life because you saw someone doing something, stop waiting for the quote unquote perfect time and your

Timeline is yours to create it it doesn't matter if you if you Like let's say I and I do I want to find my person I want to get married I want to have someone to travel with and do things with but what am I doing? I've had this conversation with myself recently. It's like what am I doing? To put myself out there because I'm not gonna meet someone

at home on my ranch house that I rent, hanging out with my roommate, or I'm not gonna meet someone hanging out with my parents. I've gotta put myself out there in places, try new things, to meet people, meet new people. I don't wanna do online dating, so again, I'm gonna do a whole episode of things not to tell, not to ask single people as well.

because I just find it, it'll be valuable not only for single people, but it will be valuable for other people just to know. But you don't want to ask people why you're not online dating. Because sometimes it's just not for people. I do know people who met their person online dating. But for me right now, not a thing I want to do. So anyways.

But you need to make your move and no matter how small maybe that is if you haven't tried online dating Maybe that is trying online dating. It's not for me. I have tried it by the way but I It just wasn't I didn't like it then it wasn't for me and that's okay again My own timeline your timeline is yours to create. So make a move like no matter how small

So I'm gonna go, that was a lot. I'm gonna go through those. Number one, question the timeline. Who told you that you're behind? Where did that belief come from? Number two, define your version of a hell yes life. What does it mean for you to have a hell yes life? What lights you up? Number three, let go of that comparison piece. Someone else's timeline has nothing to do with your happiness and your timeline.

Number four, celebrate where you are right now. What's missing? What experiences have you had that others haven't? And celebrate your uniqueness, because that's a part of what makes you unique. And number five, take that small action. Make a move. Your timeline is yours to create, but you have to take action.

and you have to find out what's important to you and make that happen.

If you take, well now I'm gonna wrap this up because it's gone longer than I thought it would, but if you take one thing away from this episode, let it be this. You, you, Y-O-U, are exactly where you are meant to be. You're not behind, you are not on pause, your life is unfolding in its own beauty.

Your life is unfolding in its own beautiful, messy, unique way. And that is something to fricking celebrate. So if you've been waiting for a sign to stop stressing about your timeline, this is it. Go live your life, make bold moves, and let go of that pressure to keep up. Keep up with what, is what I ask. And most importantly,

Give yourself permission to live life on your own damn terms. Like I said, I'm gonna have a flow of a theme here, if you will, in the month of love. It's gonna be about unconventional things that people talk about, finding friendships that light you up, things that you shouldn't ask single people.

All of the things, but once again, I thank you so much for listening. If this episode resonated with you, you'll hear this in my closing as well, but let me know. Tag me if it inspired you in any way. It's at Elyse, E-L-Y-S-E B-U-S-H-A-R-D, at Elyse Bechard on Instagram. You can also find my handle below in the show notes, but.

Thank you so much for listening and I hope this inspired you to know that you're not behind and your timeline, like go out and write your own timeline and live life on your own terms. Cause that is what matters the most. Thank you, love ya.

Elyse Bushard (27:23)
If any part of this podcast gave you a hell yes moment, I would absolutely love to hear from you. You know here at Hell Yes Habits, we're all about finding what makes you feel good and turning your everyday habits into hell yes habits. We're building a community rooted in connection and growth and your voice is a huge part of that. If this episode was helpful for you, it would mean the world to me if you shared it.

on your Instagram stories and tagged me at Elise Bechard. Not only so I can thank you personally, but to help spread the word about this Hell Yes Habits movement. Thanks for hanging out with me today and I'll catch you next time. Let's keep creating those habits that light you up and build the life you deserve. Until then, go make it a Hell Yes Day.