A Hell Yes Lesson: People Don't Know What You Don't Tell Them & Building Stronger Relationships

In this episode of Hell Yes Habits, Elyse Bushard emphasizes the importance of communication in building deeper relationships. She discusses how people often don't know what others are feeling unless they express it, and how small actions can lead to significant impacts in relationships. Elyse encourages listeners to follow up with others and to be open about their feelings, highlighting that vulnerability and honesty are key to fostering connections. The episode concludes with a challenge for listeners to practice expressing themselves and following up with others in their lives.

Takeaways

• People don't know what you don't tell them.
• Communication is essential for deeper connections.
• Expressing feelings can prevent misunderstandings.
• Small actions can lead to significant relationship improvements.
• Following up shows you care about others.
• Vulnerability is key to building trust.
• Don't let feelings simmer; address them promptly.
• Words can have a powerful impact on others.
• Building relationships doesn't require grand gestures.
• Every small action contributes to stronger connections.

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:06)
welcome to Hell Yes Habits. I'm Elise, a marketing professional by day and your go-to coach for building the habits that create a life you can't wait to wake up to. I'm so glad you're here. This podcast is all about ditching the just fine mindset and making room for the magic in your everyday life. And let me tell you, this isn't just a podcast. It's the start of a movement, a Hell Yes Habits movement.

It's about breaking out of autopilot, showing up for yourself in ways that matter, and creating small but powerful habits that lead to a big, bold, hell yes kind of life. Each week, we'll have real, honest conversations about juggling all the things, career, relationships, family, and those moments when you just need you time. I'll share actionable tips, lessons from my own journey,

and inspiration to help you stop settling and start thriving, baby. You in?, let's do this.

Elyse Bushard (01:16)
Hello, hello. Welcome back to Helly Ass Habits. You'll have to excuse me because like last time, I'm recording this last minute and, excuse me, I'm still like have residual cough. I don't feel like crap anymore, but this is still from my colds or whatever the heck I had. But here we are. And I want this episode.

To more just be a lesson that I want to share with you because like I said, this is in real time. podcast, it's not just for like, it's not just for me or for you. I want this to be a place that like, don't, to be totally transparent, I don't know everything.

And I want you to be coming along on my journey. And this particular episode is gonna be a lesson that I've learned that is like an aha moment. It keeps coming up for me in so many different places in my life. And...

I'm 37 now. It came up for me beginning last year and just I swear to you, think about I either think about this or I say it to another person like every day. and you know that like I'm here to help you build a life full of hell yes habits and deeper. beyond that,

I want that to mean that you have deeper, more fulfilling connections with not only people that you love, but with yourself. And today, we're just talking about something that is crucial, I've found, in all relationships. And in building deeper connections with not only other people, but with yourself, whether it's in love, friendship,

or even professional connections. And it's very simple. And it's that people don't know what you don't tell them.

Let me repeat that, people don't know what you don't tell them. And basically life gets busy, right? People get wrapped up in their own worlds and sometimes we just expect others to just know how we feel or what we need. And spoiler alert, they do not, like they,

don't know what's going on in your life. They don't know how you're feeling. And it's just, this is such a simple concept I know. But like, let me dive into this further of why this realization that I had and why communication is the key to building deeper relationships, how small actions can make a big difference.

This doesn't have to be like this overhaul. I wanna point that out. And then why showing up intentionally in your own life and in other people's life matters more than ever now in this crazy world we're living in right now, 2025. Or whenever you're listening to this, cause I plan on doing this podcasting thing for a while. So let me repeat this again.

People don't know what you don't tell them. And we've all been there, right? So sitting with frustration, I'm just painting a picture for you of something that came up for me last year. I was like, why didn't they check on me? Why don't they know this bothers me? But like asking those questions, it sounds ridiculous, right? But we do it all the time. And

You just have to remember that people cannot read your mind. Everyone is living in their own story. They're consumed by their own responsibilities, struggles, joys. We're being pulled in like a million trillion different directions. And when we expect others to guess what we're feeling, we're just setting ourselves up.

for disappointment. For example, in like a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship or husband-wife relationship or wife-wife or husband-husband, how often do we assume our partner should know what we want or need without saying it? The truth is though that love and connection, doesn't come with telepathy.

Telepathy, how do you say that word? Comment with how to say that word. Telepathy, it doesn't come with reading people's minds. Just saying that, I don't like that word. It comes, and instead of reading people's minds, it comes with honest, vulnerable communication. It doesn't come from, like there are those people, right, that sometimes

We like know what they're thinking and we guess right because we've been around them so much that like we know. But like if you're assuming that you're going through a tough time and you're expecting everyone around you to know that and so to tread lightly, they don't know. They do not know what you're going through. They do not know what you do, what you don't tell them.

And so this is true in friendships too. And this is where it came up for me last year because I'm single. And so this doesn't come up for me in those types of relationships. It's come up for me in like family and friend relationships and coworkers and things like that. So your best friend, for instance, may care deeply about you, but might not.

notice you're feeling distant if you don't share what's going on. The key to all of this is just to speak up when you feel it. And when something makes you feel some type of way, just be like, hey, don't come at it out of combative way. Be like, hey, what the F, I can't believe that you did this. It is more like, hey,

Like when you did this, this made me feel this way. And it almost makes just you more aware of your feelings to say it out loud. But then the other person, like if they come at you in a combative way and that relationship ends for whatever reason, it wasn't a good relationship to begin with because they can't actually.

understand or know where you're coming from. And that is like a huge part of having a good friendship, a good relationship in your life. So the key is just to speak up when you feel it. If something's bothering you, don't let it simmer for weeks and weeks. If you appreciate someone, you don't let it go unspoken. You don't let it be something

that just lingers and lingers until you start hating this person and they don't even know why. And you can't even remember why because it's turned into this hate. I know we've all been there. I've done that. I used to not speak my mind. And what I found is that people do not know what I don't tell them. So if I'm feeling a certain type of way, I've been good at this at work. I've been good at this

lately in my relationships where I'm like, you want to hold back your feelings, right? But like, and there's certain moments where it's not the right time, but like within the hour, if you're still feeling a certain type of way, or you wake up in the middle of the night, still thinking about this situation that you experienced and how it made you feel, tell the person, tell the person.

We all have a right to feel the way we feel. And it's so, so important to express those feelings, especially if you want a relationship with someone to grow and evolve. Because they will then pause, ideally this is what will happen, they'll pause, they'll be like, well, I didn't mean it that way.

And then they'll pause and be like, well, thanks for telling me though, because I didn't mean it that way. It opens doors for communication that like, never knew existed with some of my friendships. And it's just, it's mind boggling, right? So, so really just pointing out, no one can read your mind, okay?

and you just gotta be honest and vulnerable and communicate your feelings with them. This section is where I'm gonna just take it up a notch because I feel like if you're listening to this podcast, you're interested in growing and you have a mindset that is willing to step out of your comfort zone.

It's just the basis of following up. Following up actually shows that we care. And I'm gonna give you an example of this as well in a second, but when someone shares something with you that is small or big or something like that, that happens to me a lot. I'm just gonna tell you, I'm one of those people that people tend to like,

open up to and are very vulnerable to. And I'm a great listener and I also tend to give really good feedback. But sometimes, like I'm like, why did this, like strangers will divulge things to me. And I'm like, I don't know why you just told me that, but thank you. But I digress. When someone shares something with you,

a worry, a goal, or even just like a little detail about their life. Like they're starting school next week or like, or their child is sick. It can mean the world to someone when you circle back later and you just ask how they're doing with that one thing that they shared with you. And I've had this happen

numerous times in my life recently where I'm like, well, she shared that she's like starting this new scary thing at school or someone is experiencing a sickness and had to go to the hospital or their kid did. If you circle back and follow up and just

It doesn't have to be this big gesture. Like you send them a gift basket. It can literally be just texting them or giving them a voice out and be like, hey, I remember you mentioning that you went through this. Like, how's that going? That's it. You don't need to, you don't need to like do anything else. If they end up responding, If they don't, like so be it. But like,

more than likely, they're gonna respond and be like, thanks for checking in, thanks for remembering, like that means a lot. Again, we're all very busy, right? We're all self-involved. We all are very selfish, like in our own issues. And if you have kids, you're very involved in their issues. You don't have time to do that. like moments like that, when you follow up with a friend,

family member, a spouse, a partner. Like if your partner mentions they had a hard day, imagine the impact of asking the next morning, are you feeling better today?

You listened, you followed up, you, and this could even be like weeks later, right? So like someone tells you, and if you're like me, like I tend to remember things like that. So if you're not like me, like set a reminder in your phone. Like we have all these gadgets and we have these things. Like set a reminder in your phone, like check in on Suzy, she is starting this today.

It's these like small actions that show people that you're paying attention and you care enough about your relationship with them to remember. And in a world where everyone feels like they're screaming into a pillow sometimes and there's so many things that are out of our control, this kind of connection, it takes your connections with other people

to the next level. It's priceless. And it's one of the easiest ways to deepen those relationships without like huge grand gestures. Like again, all I said as an example was a text. Another example of this that actually isn't my example, it's my mom's example. And she will be listening into this, but like she...

listened to, she has that same syndrome where people share things with her because she's a very friendly person and she's amazing. It's where probably I get it from. she bulls every week and she was talking to a lady and the lady told her that her grandson was struggling with something. And then a week

or so later because my mom just followed up and texted her and was like, hey, I just wanted to see if your grandson was okay. And the lady texted my mom like a paragraph long text and was like, thank you so much for checking and on me, I cannot tell you how much it means to me that you listened and you checked up on me later. Like, and you're so kind. And my mom being my mom, she started

crying when she got this message, but I'm also just saying this as like this small action. It not only made a ripple effect to the person who my mom was kind to, but it made a ripple effect to her and made her feel a sense of like warmth and like gratefulness.

for the way that she is as a person. Like, it's endless, the amount that this, this small thing of remembering that people don't know what you don't tell them. And the lady, even after receiving kindness from my mom, texted my mom, went out of her way to text her and thank her this long way. And, and so,

It brightened my mom's life. And I'm just thinking like that connection that my mom just formed with that lady, and they're not best friends, but that connection, that will never be forgotten. And that's the power of this, of this whole principle, but also just knowing that it doesn't have to be something big and that small acts of kindness make this ripple.

gigantic exponential effect.

I just want to emphasize that building those better relationships, doesn't mean you need to overhaul your life. It's those little things. It's sending a thoughtful text. It's remembering someone's favorite coffee order and surprising them with it randomly on a random Tuesday. It's telling someone you're proud of them right when you think it.

I remember a time when I was feeling down and a friend randomly messaged me, say, you've been on my mind, I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you. And just that small little thing, it turned your entire day around. Those small words, words can be so powerful.

They can be hurtful, yes, but I'm focusing on they can be so powerful and have this ripple effect when you're kind to someone. But also when you, like this deeper, this level of deepness and connection that I want as a 37 year old female, we want these connections now. We're done. Like I personally am done wasting my time with people

who don't want this depth of connection. I have all different levels of friends in my life, all different levels of relationships with my family members in my life. And all of them, want, like I need deeper connections. There's always gonna be that coworker that you just say hi to or, but you just never know.

your impact that you can have on them as well. And like you have the power with these small actions, like you have the power to and every time you reach out and you follow up or you share some kind word, like you reach out to someone on Slack or a chat that you use at work.

We use Hey Taco at work and if you don't know what that is, it's very cool. Ask about it, I will tell you about it. That could actually be a podcast episode because I love Hey Taco. I think it's a great way to virtually connect with coworkers and things like that. it's just a reminder that every time you reach out, you follow up or you share a kind word.

you're adding to the strength of your relationships. You're deepening that connection. So I always like to end this, like that was a lesson, right? People don't know what you don't tell them. Small actions equal big results and deepen relationships. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture. So I always like to end this with a challenge because if you're here, you're wanting to grow. You're wanting...

to hear my crazy insights and lessons. And I thank you for it, by the way, because I appreciate you a lot. But here's my challenge for you this week. I like to add a challenge of them. When you feel something, it's very simple. When you feel something, you say it. You don't hold back. Obviously, there's instances.

in your life that you have to hold back at work, it isn't the right time, but don't hold it in. Don't wait for 48 hours to pass before you say how you felt. Let someone know that you appreciate them or tell them what's been on your mind recently. When someone asks how you're feeling, don't just say fine.

say what you're really feeling. And don't just say good. Don't just say fine. Especially if you're really not. Tell them what's been on your mind. And when someone shares something with you that's personal, because we all have people in our lives, even strangers, if you're like me at a grocery store, that will come up to you and talk to you and share things with you.

And if you're able to, follow up with them. If it's a barista at a coffee shop that you normally go to and they told you about something that's going on in their life, follow up with them the next time you see them, if you remember. If you remember. It is a caveat, I know. I tend to remember stuff like that, but not everyone's like that. then the people in your life that you see regularly, I'm sure you guys talk.

and have deeper conversations. So like, what can you do to follow up later on about something that they've shared with you? These small actions, they don't just make someone's day. They build trust, connection, and love over time. Again, I'm gonna repeat this again and again. I feel like...

It's just come up for me so much and I needed to share this as a podcast because it's so relevant and I feel like it's something that everyone can relate to and work on, is that people don't know what you don't tell them, so express yourself. Don't hold it in. And thank you so, so much.

That was me slapping on the bed, if you can hear that. For tuning in today, if this episode inspired you, share it with someone who could use a little relationship magic, if you will, in their life. And don't forget to subscribe and follow my podcast. Leave a review. I say this, I feel like, in my closing, leaving reviews is how my podcast will grow and show up.

in related podcasts. So if you leave a review on Spotify or Apple, that would be great. And let me know how you're building these hell yes habits in your life. And next time remember, people don't know what you don't tell them. So speak up, follow up, and watch your relationships grow.

Elyse Bushard (26:28)
If any part of this podcast gave you a hell yes moment, I would absolutely love to hear from you. You know here at Hell Yes Habits, we're all about finding what makes you feel good and turning your everyday habits into hell yes habits. We're building a community rooted in connection and growth and your voice is a huge part of that. If this episode was helpful for you, it would mean the world to me if you shared it.

on your Instagram stories and tagged me at Elise Bechard. Not only so I can thank you personally, but to help spread the word about this Hell Yes Habits movement. Thanks for hanging out with me today and I'll catch you next time. Let's keep creating those habits that light you up and build the life you deserve. Until then, go make it a Hell Yes Day.