An "I Should" to "Hell Yes" Shift This Season

In this episode of Hell Yes Habits, Elyse Bushard discusses the importance of breaking free from the 'should' mindset that often leads to feelings of obligation and guilt. She emphasizes the need to create habits that align with personal desires and values, encouraging listeners to reframe their thoughts from 'should' to 'could' to empower their choices. Elyse introduces the concept of a 'Hell Yes Filter' to help listeners determine what truly brings them joy and fulfillment, especially during the holiday season. The episode concludes with a challenge to reclaim joy and energy by saying no to what doesn't serve them, promoting a more intentional and joyful life.

Takeaways

• Ditch the 'just fine' mindset for a 'hell yes' life.
• 'Should' is a trap that leads to guilt.
• Awareness is key to shifting your mindset.
• Replace 'should' with 'could' to regain power.
• Find your 'Hell Yes Filter' to assess joy.
• Saying no to obligations can reclaim your time.
• The holiday season is a time for intentional joy.
• Create space for activities that light you up.
• Reframe your thoughts to align with your values.
• You're made for more than just 'should'.

Transcript

Elyse Bushard (00:01.134)
hello everyone. I am Elise. Welcome back to Hell Yes Habits. I don't know why I always run out of breath at the beginning of an episode. Once again, welcome back to the shit show, aka Hell Yes Habits, my podcast. I'm still learning guys. I want to paint a picture for you right now that I am sitting in my room.

I used to think I had to sit in the closet, but actually my $25 microphone that I got from Amazon is pretty good and it plugs into my phone. if you think you need expensive equipment to have a podcast, welcome to mine. You do not. But anyways, also wanted to, before I get into like the best part of this podcast, like actually content that you can use, I wanted to just paint a picture.

of what is happening right now. I'm sitting in my room once again recording this podcast. I am drinking some tea out of a mug that says, you forget that you're awesome, so this is your reminder. Guess who gave me that? I love it, my mother did. But also it's a great reminder and it's a really great insulated mug that

I use almost every day. Let me take a sip of it. By the way, reminder to drink water.

I'm actually having tea because I'm trying out different things with my podcast, right? And seeing when like, whenever I feel like inspired and, and also I'm a procrastinator. like, this is coming out in two days. I launched my podcast with three episodes and now this is my fourth episode. so welcome, welcome. If you're new, be sure to let me know.

Elyse Bushard (02:03.785)
what you like, what you don't like, but not what you don't like, because I don't really care, because I started a podcast and I'm really proud of myself. So that is another reminder and another reminder also, I have an entire episode about stop comparing yourself to others, like tactical tips. So if you haven't listened to that one, go back and listen to that one. But this one is

Really, this one is hard for me. It also is something that I am completely aware that I do still to this day. So don't think that I'm coming at you because I don't do this anymore. And so today we're tackling one of the sneakiest joy stealers out there. And it's actually something that you probably have said today.

The word should You know what I mean? Like we say it all the time like I should do this I should go there I should make this happen, but tell let me tell you something should is actually a trap it's it's guilt dressed up if you will as Motivation and it's holding you back from living

a truly hell yes life, which if you've been around and you've been listening, hell yes habits is all about creating routines and things that make you want to say hell yes because you're doing them. in real time, the holidays are literally just around the corner. Like I think it's ridiculously like less than two weeks away and the holidays are here. I don't know about you, but like I said, I'm a procrastinator, so I'm not ready.

in this moment in the holidays, the shoulds keep piling up, right? Like I should buy that perfect gift. I should host a holiday dinner for all my friends. I should say yes to every invite that comes my way. But this season, I want you to intentionally flip the script. We're moving out of the should season.

Elyse Bushard (04:27.652)
and into the hell yes season of the holidays. And I know that sounds pretty imperfect in a bow, but let me talk about how to make that happen. Because I'm sure you're like, yeah, sure, Elise. I say should like all the time and I get it. I still say it. But I think the point is to be aware of it. So let me break it down first is like why is should a problem? So

Essentially, when you say I should do something, what you're actually really saying is, this is mind blowing, is that I don't want to, but I feel obligated to. That's what should means. You're not saying I'm going to do this. You're saying I should do this because it's what other people want me to do. So it's coming from external expectations.

and not actually what you want to do or your internal desires. And let me tell you, nothing about a hell yes life is rooted in obligation. It's actually rooted in intention and alignment. Like you want to scream it from the rooftops when you're doing it or you're so excited to do it because of the way it makes you feel. And that's not the way that

your neighbor feels or your mom feels about it, it's literally how you feel about it. For example, last year, I tend to keep saying, I'm gonna use one that everyone can relate to, I should work out. And really the question is,

yet you should work out, right? Like that is like the answer that like I feel like the agreeable answer, right? And what we wanna do is create that into an alignment statement. So we want to make it into something like not I should do that, but why don't I want to do that?

Elyse Bushard (06:43.716)
And the answer could be a variety of things for working out, right? You haven't found the right workout that actually lights you up and brings you joy. That could be walking or just the right movement, not even a workout. It's just the right type of movement that lights you up. And this applies to literally everything because really, if it's not a hell yes, it should be a no in your life.

And that's something that I realized just this year is like, was saying, I should do this, should, and like, I still catch myself and I actually catch my mom doing it and she's probably gonna listen to this and laugh, but like, why don't we want to do these things? Like, and that's how usually I reframe the question either to myself,

internally or out loud because I'm alone a lot at home so like because I work from home so like I will spout this to myself like why why don't I want to do it and I do this to my mom too when she says like well we should do that and I was like well why don't we want to and then it brings up like feelings and emotions of like why you don't want to do the thing or and and could we

Could we reframe it to like, could we, like if it's something that you have to do, like I should go to work. Well, why don't I want to go to work? That's the question that we should be asking, right? So like, and it could be like, do I need to change jobs? Like, do I need to show up differently to my work? Like, do I need to be more aware of the attitude I bring to work?

Like there's so many different examples that I feel like we could tie into anything. so, but you're like, great Elise, like how do I do this though? And I'm gonna tell ya. So essentially, here's how you shift from a should to a hell yes mindset. And I just gave you some examples of how I do it and it first comes with awareness. So it's like,

Elyse Bushard (09:10.774)
Pausing and checking in so like when a should thought comes up. It's asking yourself Is this something I truly want or is it just guilt or? expectation talking and If it's if it is something that you have to do, how can you shift it? How can you shift it into something that you want to do or? Not directly because some things aren't that black and white, right?

but how can you shift it into something that maybe is better that you want to do? And then in my example, I also used this is replacing should with could. Like I should bake cookies for the office or whatever it is, because I could bake cookies for the office because could gives you back the power to choose.

it's tricky, right? Like it's the mindset shifts. Cause like when someone, I don't know if you've noticed this, but when someone says, or when I say like, I should do that, like my, tone of my voice drops, my, like it's just, it doesn't sound fun. Like, and I, and it actually makes me not want to do it even more when I say it aloud. But if I say,

I could bake cookies for the office. See how my voice just even like got higher? Like I, I, I digress because I knew that that was coming. But I think that you should try saying those things too is try just with anything that comes up in your life. I should, go get a gift for someone. I could go get a gift for someone for Christmas.

And just that like small like from should to could they rhyme to. And then the third thing that I want to talk about is find your hell yes filter. Well, at least what the hell is a hell yes filter? Like before saying yes to anything this season, ask yourself, does this spark joy for me? Does this align with my values?

Elyse Bushard (11:38.482)
Does it feel like a hell yes? If the answer is no to any of those questions, then it's your, I give you permission to let it go if it's not something that you have to do. Like if there's friends that you feel obligated to hang out with, but they're just not aligning with you anymore.

whether it be your lives are on different paths and you always used to get together around the holidays and maybe it's just not aligning with your life anymore and the decisions that they've, and it's not that you hate them or anything, it's just when that comes up in the month of December, you're not looking forward to it. Maybe just give yourself permission to find a way to let that go.

that obligation doesn't need to be an obligation anymore. And chances are that they might be feeling the same way. it's like, guarantee like there's two sides to every friendship and relationship and every relationship in your life, family members, everything. And so I guarantee that they're feeling some type of way as well.

that they have to get together with you around the holidays. I'm not saying like family is family, Friends are friends. I know there's a difference here. And for instance, like the holidays around like in our family lately, haven't like they've just been different. And it's because like either family members have passed or

there's always a black sheep of the family. Like there's always things that like are out of your control. Right. And, but like reframing it to being, to putting all of these into place. like pausing and checking in when like I should go hang out with my family on Christmas and just pausing and checking in and being like, do we actually want to do that?

Elyse Bushard (13:58.745)
Well, we have to, so go to number two, replace should with could. I could go hang out with my family and that in my mind immediately shifts with, well, thank God I have a family to hang out with around the holidays because some people don't. And so that gives me the power back just by shifting that word. And then if that even doesn't work, ask yourself,

Does this spark joy? Does it align with my values? Does it feel like a hell yes? If the answer is no, then that's your permission to let it go as a stressor in your life. And then, yeah, like the holidays often come with those family obligations. So if you're saying, I should host something, ask yourself what you really want.

or if there's a way to share the load with a friend or family member, or just simplify your day so you're not stressed out and think you have to host something big and spectacular. Because this is the magic. I'm gonna bring back the word magic of the season. Is that when you drop the shoulds, you create space for more hell yes moments. Like extra time.

to do things around the holidays that you want to do, like, and create memories with people you want to create with. Binge watch holiday movies, I don't know if any of you are fans of Hallmark movies, even though you can predict them at the beginning, I just love them. It's like, it's like a warm hug. And even though you can predict their stupidity and that they're going to end up together, no matter what, it's just amazing. Or even like,

take a nap. I'm not a napper. I can't really nap during the day unless I'm sick. My roommate's a big napper, so she listens to this. But she takes a nap almost every day. Her and her family. They're great nappers. But yeah, even naps can be a hell yes.

Elyse Bushard (16:20.527)
If you drop the shoulds, you create more space for the moments like that, that just light you up and bring you joy, AKA hell yes moments. in closing, this is actually a shorter episode. So in closing, here is your challenge this holiday season, or if you're listening to this after the holidays, like this can apply

to so many things. Like I said, I say should almost every day and I catch myself. So if you catch yourself though every time you say I should and ask, do I really want this? If the answer isn't a hell yes, then it's a no. Once again, if the answer isn't a hell yes, then it's a no to the question, do I really want this?

And remember saying no to what doesn't serve you is actually saying yes to what truly truly matters to you. So let this be the season in your life where you reclaim your joy, your time and your energy and let this be your hell yes season, your hell yes holiday, your hell yes moment.

If this episode resonated with you, just let me know. But also, just be aware of the shoulds in your life. And remember that you're not made for should, you're made for more.

See you soon guys and happy holidays.